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I do not know if I should call this a total evil inside of me or I should call it desperation for success or maybe I am the one who is evil..sighs I am confused..
I always get angry with myself whenever people around me are doing great in life while it seems my own life is stagnant , when people around me succeed I do not have a problem with that but I get angry with myself that why can't I just be successful like them and it begin to show in my attitude towards them , I do not hate the fact they are achieving success , I only hate the fact that it seems I am not on the path of success which they are experiencing and that makes me get mad at myself..
Call it desperation for success ??or a form of envy...??
I think the evil itself is envy , I believe my desperation for success should not make me to continue to get angry with myself when others are getting successful and It feels like I am not doing better like them or that I am not good enough to become really successful like them..
It is beginning to drive me crazy and I need to work on myself , I need some mental and emotional healing and I hopefully believe I will be fine someday...