Same night I played well, just ride on sticks, and alcohol to heavy techno in the fucking dark crowded club. We returned the girl to the house in a deplorable state - tragic, does not give sleep exit. Shower, transfer lay a few hours, we talked, we cleaned the crap at home, we went for a walk in the first snow, we ate soup and cake. I started to feel better, I decided to burn himself with the bong for relaxation.
I loaded bongo size hooved topic and pulled a large cloud, then I smoked even 1/3 of this amount. He leaned back in his chair and wrote a text message to his sister, when I felt that something is very wrong. I jumped to my feet and started to walk in circles, losing ground under your feet, and suddenly, as if came out of nowhere, has captured me, paralyzing feeling of absolute hopelessness, despair and fear. I would not expect such a strong badtrip after visiting the house fears the 200ug LSD. Literally overpowered me horror, the complete despair of receiving all the forces, spilling the veins. Mental torture can not be described, as if instead of blood in the veins found mercury. I asked the girl to hug me and repeated over and over again, that is to say nice things, I was sure that only this can help. I felt it was crazy, I was completely overwhelmed and scared, but with her help in a few minutes I was able to sit down and get started quickly and breath deeply, after a while I felt that slowly start to feel a bit better. I was able to get up, barely, and the figure at the open window. But still I felt that I still I fall into insanity, he suddenly had to lie down again quickly and demanded help immediately needed by someone touching me and telling me "everything will be fine." I was willing to do anything to anyone soothed me.
After a few minutes of cuddling slowly began to calm down, despair and fear gave way to pure, touching the spinal bones of sadness when I realized that all this drug from the previous night. I felt a terrible sorrow for what I do regularly - take drugs that destroy brain, jaw, nose, all guts, psyche, relationships with people, all over me. Fucking weird rc chemicals, stinking speed and poor quality of XTC. I could clearly see that this is the worst thing you can do yourself. I felt a glaring disgust to this club, music, people, drugs and, above all, himself. I started to cry, I realized how immense harm done a dredges, as the deteriorated every aspect of my life ... I looked at myself from the side, as I fail miserably loved ones and yourself when you stray stoned to clubs for junkies, where everyone has eyes like owl . Disgusting.
I can not present the scale as badly I felt that day, had not I thought to myself, that give birth after the death of a child may experience stress as strong as I am today. I felt terrible loathing. A hundred times I swore never to touch any drugs, alcohol for at least half a year, and then a glass of wine or a glass of beer with a good way - too much like their taste to give up at all.
Indeed, for several minutes, I was sure I was crazy. Horrible, horrible ordeal. No more drugs. I'll let him walk for two weeks.
