OK, here goes:

A book of rules that must be followed - What is transgression? We see in 1 John 3:4 that sin is the transgression of the law. And while I do agree, we aren't supposed to keep 613 of them (the ordinances) the 10 commandments are pretty important. I don't think 'do not kill' is a rule anyone would want the world to ignore.

An instruction manual on how to live properly - I think that's taking away the incredible lessons the bible has on how to grow our character. All you need to do, is literally...Follow Proverbs lol It's pretty much THE only instruction manual on how to live.

A roadmap for those searching for the Truth - Sanctify them through the thy truth, thy word is truth. I mean.....lol It's pretty much as scriptural as it gets.

A science or history textbook - It's the literally the history of humanity?

A puzzle to be pieced together verse by verse - Wrote about that almost exclusively in my latest blog post about studying scripture. I don't think it's a big mystery (the Bible), but it's not meant to be read on a surface level. Deep study isn't a bad thing.

An anthology of folk tales - 1000000% agree with this though!!!! ;)

A problem-solving guide - I agree that reading scripture by itself isn't going to solve your problems, because....You need faith! You need prayer. It's got to be the combo....Just reading for the sake of reading, isn't going to help anyone.

The only way to learn about God - I agree. You need prayer. You need worship. Plenty of ways to get closer to God. But the bible teaches us about His character no? You say we shouldn't call it the word of God? I don't understand that one? Confused by that statement.

Have to say man, I had to do a double take a few times at your post lol. But I appreciate you stirring it up a bit, and making me think about how it's presented. It's always a blessing to talk about our Lord.