I work at at fast paced job in the financial industry. There is a lot of pressure, their is a lot of responsibility, and when dealing with other people's money, there is a lot on the line. No one would ever guess it of me, but sometimes I wake up in the morning finding it exceptionally difficult to snap out of moods I wake up in. These moods can and do usually have an impact on my entire day, making the day, the work, the interactions less-than was potentially possible.
On the advice of a friend, I have begun to question this; am I a victim to my mood? Am I helpless to the experience I wake up with in the morning? Is my entire day pre-programmed based on the first few seconds of my day? What about my agency, my self-will, and my ability to choose?
I have been testing out a challenge for about a month now, where I take a moment in the morning to define the way I feel, in words, in writing. Once I have the words, I then choose support words to live that day. After even the very first day I was astounded to find out that this is incredible! In this simple act I have made such a huge change! Instead of being enslaved to experiences like 'stuck', 'defeated' and 'restless', I get to live words of MY choice, 'release', 'achieve', and 'focused.'
This has been a personal process for me so far, but it has been so beneficial to me that I now intend on sharing it, starting with today.
Today is the third day of my vacation. I'm staying in a chalet, snowboarding for the week. In these first three days, without the pressure and stress from my job pushing me to move forward, I have fallen into a slump. I have found myself resistant to even get up and get out on the hill. It's like my entire body is saying "no, do nothing, stay in bed all day, no structure, don't move forward!".
This can be cool at times, but I have been doing this for two days straight and now, I am ready to get up and go and break through the resistance.
The experience I have this morning, when defined in words is 'fear'. It's like I have developed this fear of moving myself into something new. As if I am in-FEAR-ior to the thoughts I can create about how the day will go. I think of all the bad and negative, like "it will be cold", and "the conditions are icy", "I won't enjoy myself like I would just lounging around", and I project myself reacting in discomfort and fearful anxiety.
This is a recipe for a crappy, sub-par day and living experience.
But right here is where I give myself agency.
The support word I choose for myself today is 'fearless'. I will define this with an emphasis on going forth fully into experience, allowing myself to have fun, make mistakes, fall, and ENJOY.
I stand equal to my thoughts and projection, placing myself in a position of self-control. I am not a victim, I am the creator of me.
Already i can feel a shift within me, where it's like a weight has been slightly lifted by the simple act of giving myself a little direction, and permission to break free from a cycle, habit or pattern I would have normally fallen into.
At the end of the day I will give a recap on how I lived the words I gave to myself, whether it was a success or requires adjustment, and I will talk about what i learned from walking into my day within and as 'fearlessness'!
