One of the biggest flexes I used to have was that I hardly got angry, nothing ever moved me. This was my life for at least 25 years until I fell in love. I got to understand that being vulnerable to a person also gives them access to annoy you in different ways, it gives them access to hurt you and get under your skin. For about 25 years of my life I could count how many times I got angry and it wasn’t up to 10. And even with those 10 I had only lost control of myself once until I fell in love and parts of me I never knew existed were tested. And when they were tested my reaction was out of the norm. It made me realize that life indeed isn’t always white and black, and we humans carry different colours that we might not even know until they are tested for real.
Photo by Nsey Benajah on Unsplash
I remember the very first time I got angry, I was a teenager and that anger made me rebellious. It was so much that my mum had high BP because of me and even at that I didn’t bulge because I was too angry to do so. Life they say isn’t fair, and sometimes I look at those actions and decisions the younger me made and I regret them as the people who suffered the most from them were my parents, I wasn’t fair to them and I know it. This is why I try to do everything in my power not to get angry to that point and one way I try to do it is by communicating. I discovered that the more I communicate, the less likely I am to get angry. Even with all the anger and emotions relationship made me feel, I am still one who doesn’t get angry that easily. I like to understand situations rather than jump into conclusions and assumptions. Although sometimes I get caught up in the whole assumption ordeal, I realize that at the end of the day I need to make things right whenever I make decisions based on assumptions and damn the consequences.
The consequences may be severe, but for so long I made the mistakes I believe it is always my responsibility to bear the consequences. I believe every action has consequences, and therefore I should not do anything that would make me take the wrong actions as then I will have to bear the consequences. Now I have realized that I am more open to emotions, I guess it’s now part of me, these were feeling I never use to have before, a person could slap me and my first instinct would not be to fight back, but to try to avoid that person, not because I am shy, but because I can’t imagine myself fighting or exchanging words with someone. I find it beneath me, so I avoid such people with everything in me. And I believe this is what works for me.
THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S PROMPT FOR WEEK 210 EPISODE 1
