The world of the married: This 'forever and ever' union is a risky business.
Marriage is like an impossible infrastructure which you need to work on throughout your lifetime to make it function and also reap the benefit of getting started with the infrastructure. It's not something you get into with a trial-and-error mindset.
I've met some married folks and heard stories of more who are struggling in their marriage lives for several reasons. The more you get to see such stories, the more you will be able to see that it's not all rosy in marriages. Some households are similar to hell and we often see this when people are married to partners who are diabolical, malevolent and narcissistic.
On an interpersonal level, these qualities are not particularly likeable in people. Those who are conscious about themselves make an effort to make sure they are not diabolical, malevolent or narcissistic. This is because it affects their relationship with people and it gets worse when you bring that type of attitude into Marriage, a 'forever and ever' union.
Nevertheless, I think it's important to say this about marriage and I'm trying to say it right;
If what you have in mind when getting into marriage is that you will get a divorce whenever your partner displays 'any' bad character, then, you need to first push marriage out of your top 12 priorities and focus on growing up.
Do you see? It's already getting complex!
You are with someone who has loads of bad characters that you can't deal with, but it's already said that marriage is a forever and ever affair. A lot of marriages are like that. Each of the partners brings their flaws which aren't helping the relationship in any way, and they know it's ruining the happiness of their partner, yet, they don't even care enough to make necessary adjustments.
When it gets a little too much, the home becomes a battleground where people who previously professed their love to each other are consistently getting on each other's nerves. For most people, the only reason they are still together with their partner is because they don't want their child(ren) to grow up without having both parents.
Well, if that's what marriage is all about, we may as well remain single forever, eh?
Is it only a union where partners break each other in half and take advantage of each other till death (or more recently 'break-up') or, is there something positive happening in the world of the married?
Hah! Brace yourself!
While some marriages (the majority) that I know about give an uninspiring message about being married, I'm glad that I've also come across some married folks who truly enjoy their married life. Some marriages are so adorable, it almost feels like the kinda marriage you see in Romantic shows.
I think anyone wanting to get into marriage would surely want to get into the type of marriage where both couples would genuinely care about each other's welfare and respect each other. They would be willing to be the best they can be so they can significantly and consistently work on building the marriage. They would also be ready to help their partner become the best they can be.
This doesn't in any way suggest that both partners shouldn't argue. Nope. I don't think you can be with someone for so long without having some misunderstanding or having to argue about something. In fact, and I say this with all sincerity, when picking a partner, make sure you are getting into a marriage without someone you can argue with.
If your partner does something that isn't growing the relationship or something that is generally bad and you know you don't like that, but he or she isn't the type of person you can talk with about what they are doing wrong, then, it's not a healthy relationship. What happens in such marriages is that the husband or wife stomachs every bad character his/her partner has without making any effort to point out that something is wrong.
Well, how long are you going to live like that? Two months? Two years? Twenty years?
Please, wake up!
How about you point that out the first 3 times you notice the character and talk with your partner so you can tell him or her what's wrong with what he/she is doing?
If you are with someone who you can talk with on that level and the person pays attention without trying to make caricature of your words, and the person makes an effort to improve on whatever you mentioned, then, you are going to learn so much from each other.
My stance on marriage
Since marriage is a union between two people, there is a huge risk factor attached to it. Let's say you are emotionally, psychologically, mentally and financially prepared. What about the next person? Is he or she also ready and capable of making the necessary sacrifices attached to being married?
You know, what it takes at the foundational level is for someone to get into a marital relationship with another person who's ready to extend his/her hand and trust each other as they work towards building a solid and sustainable relationship, despite their shortcomings. It has to be done together or the foundation wouldn't hold up for long.
I've seen a fair share of both inspiring and uninspiring marriages. I always see these as lessons and I'm learning so much about what I want in my marital life and things I wouldn't want in it. I learn these things and I do a really good job of practising these things at the moment so that when the time comes, I will be the best Hubby to my wife and the best Dad to my kids.
The world of the married is a risky place which I'm willing to get into when the time is right.
Thanks For Not Missing Any Full-stop Or Comma
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