There are a lot of obvious ones out there. Like if your partner beats you with a baseball bat every day, That isn't a healthy relationship. But After dating for one person for six years, I learned a lot of things that I wish I knew early on.
How Are They In EVERY Aspect Of Their Life?
Something I've realized over the years is when you have a particular quality about yourself; It tends to "flow" into every area of your life.
If you are lazy, You tend to be lazy in every area of your life. Or most areas, Not just one.
For me, I get nervous trying new things. This is something I deal with in EVERY aspect of my life, Not just one.
I get nervous driving on new roads; I get nervous hiking new trails. I get nervous going on dates with new people.
See how it affects every area of my life?
People usually have good hygiene or bad hygiene. While some people may be "slightly" in the middle. This will sometimes even reflect in their living conditions at home, Work, and school. Someone with bad hygiene probably won't be as clean in other areas either.
Of course, there are always exceptions to this rule.
So when you are dating, If you start to see an awful, deal breaker quality from a person. Even if it's "Just with his hobbies" Or some other smaller area of his/her life. That's a sign; They may be like that in EVERY area. Don't use that information alone to completely determine if you want to be with the person. But do keep it in the back of your mind and remember it when you make your final decision.
Future Goals and Commitment
I feel like the biggest idiot on the planet. Here I was dating someone for such a long period of my life, Thinking that we were going to get engaged soon.
I had already talked to him openly about it. And he agreed that it was something that he wanted.
I did things right... Right?
Throughout the relationship, I saw something a bit odd.
He could never commit to anything
No matter how small or big. This guy wasn't the type you'd call a "player" or anything. But He had serious commitment issues.
But of course being in denial. I excused those signs thinking
"He wouldn't do that to me."
He couldn't seem to commit to what he wanted to do with his life, His future career, Or where he wanted to live. He didn't want to set ANYTHING in stone. He was the most confused person I have ever met in my life.
Knowing the other person's plans is important. I already knew that.
But this case was bizarre. Because he would often say yes, Or agree with me. So here I thought we were on the same page, Then all the sudden when I start booking tickets. Or making concrete plans, he wants to back out.
He usually came up with an excuse, To save himself. So I just thought "Oh it's just because this and this happened."
A red flag you need to avoid is someone who is apparently "confused." On what they want out of life, Those people may be the kindest people in the world. But they will only waste your time in the end.
Also having similar goals and plans is important too. If you want a long-term relationship with someone, There is only so much you can "compromise" before someone is unhappy.
Like the quote " How someone does anything, Is how they do everything".
Watch their actions, And if you start to see patterns. You can often reasonably expect them to be that way in every area of their life.
DO THEY COMPROMISE
I don't care how similar your goals are, Sometimes compromising will come into play. If your partner expects to get 100% of what they want and aren't whiling to bend even slightly for you, That's an issue. And I'm not talking about the small things like choosing a restaurant. The bigger things as well. Compromising should happen both ways at times.
Sometimes one person will end up with 100% of what they want, In a given situation. But there are other situations where they should be willing to bend for you.
This is another thing I noticed, But failed to take action on, And I take responsibility on that.
He wouldn't compromise on anything, And it got to the point. Whenever he'd ask me even a simple question like "Where do you want to eat" Or "what movie do you want to see?" I'd tense up. Because I felt like I was walking on egg shells. I was always reluctant to admit what I wanted, because he'd often flip it on me. Or seem upset when what I wanted wasn't the same thing as he wanted.
See Red Flags? Get Away!
People underestimate how scary a bad relationship can be. It can mess with your brain and cause long-term effects. I often find myself very reluctant to open up to people as a result of some of the relationships I've had in my life (Not necessarily dating).
When a person is toxic Or bringing your life down. It doesn't matter how much you care about them. You should only be as invested in the relationship as they are. Like that cliche quote "There is much fish in the sea." It's true. And even if it's hard to see it right now, There are better people out there for you.