I know there's a ton of these out there, But I think it's important to remind yourself that you are in a good relationship if you are in one. Sometimes, we see posts about all the red flags, and they cover every single personality trait that a person could have. Making you feel like you're in a shitty relationship when you're not.
You can open up to them.
Yes, men, I'm talking to you as well. Suppose you cannot open up to her without her losing your respect or getting the ick. She's not right for you. Get rid of her. By that, I mean break up not drop her off in the middle of the mountains for the Bears. Even though that may be very tempting.
If your conversations have evolved to deeper things rather than just surface-level things, you can talk about your childhood, some of your trauma, and occasionally your ex. Then that's a really good sign that you're with someone that you can be with with a long for the long haul.
You know them as a person, as a individual.
When we get into relationships, we often start romanticizing who that person is and how perfect they are for us. Or we project some of the traits we think we want them to have onto them, expecting them to be a certain way, only to learn that they're not like that. That they are their own person. There are many things about them that you didn't expect. But you have gotten to the point where you've gotten to know that deeper person, and you accept and love them for who they are. Let go of this illusion and see them as another human with flaws. With annoying qualities. But you love them anyway.
You ask for what you want.
None of the none of these weird, complicated bullshit games. You want something from them, You tell them. You ask them; you understand that sometimes they're gonna say no, or sometimes you're asking for something ridiculous.
Sorry ladies, most boyfriends can't get you a baby goat tomorrow.
You're intentional with your time together.
There will be times when you guys are just playing on your phone, doing your own thing, and you're not paying attention to each other. When you put the phones away, you ask each other about each other's day. You have a good conversation. Maybe you guys go out to dinner. Maybe you do a fun activity together, But overall you are making a conscious effort to spend quality time together. This can really help keep the spark alive in the long run.
Your partner's needs matter.
Yes, that doesn't mean you can fulfill all of them all the time, but you do your absolute best to genuinely consider what they want out of life and what they're looking for overall. This long-term sustained effort can make a big difference in whether your relationship falls apart gradually or stays together long-term.
You work through the hard stuff.
Sometimes, it takes a while for a relationship to go through some rough patches. You guys might get along really well, maybe a bit better than other couples. But once you get into trouble, you guys don't know how to handle it well. People have different conflict styles, and we don't all fight similarly, so it's important. Try to understand why your partner does things the way they do. And then they do the same for you. That way, you can work through some of your issues, and some issues can't be resolved realistically. There are those things that will haunt your relationship. But how do you guys cope with those things?
You don't try to make them be like you.
A lot of us are guilty of this, myself included. We want our partner to be like us in certain ways. We feel like our way is a little bit better. We have a little bit more to offer in that department. Or we might even be experts at that specific thing. So we pressure our partner to do it the same way. And this is fine. Now and then, it's not that big of a deal. But if you're constantly doing that. That person may not feel like you value their unique qualities. They may feel like you're forcing them to change into something they may not want to be, that you may not love them for who they are. And that can be a really crappy feeling when you're in a relationship, and you feel like they don't love you. Their unique qualities. We see this happen in relationships sometimes, where the person puts so much effort into changing the other person, and they eventually change.
The person brings up the fact that they're different and don't like the changes when they're the ones that caused them. So, it's important to keep this in mind when you bring up something for your partner to change. Are you trying to make them be like you? Or is it a tiny little change to make your life a little easier? Maybe he leaves his socks on the floor?
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