Pretty much everyone experiences a breakup at some point in their life. That doesn’t make it any easier. It’s often one of the most painful things we’ll go through. Here are some tips to help you navigate this challenging time:
It's OK to Get Rid of Things
Sometimes, letting go of certain items is absolutely necessary. If your ex gave you items you use daily, like dishes, and they don’t hold significant emotional value or upset you, it’s fine to keep them. However, don’t hesitate to get rid of things that cause you pain. If there’s something you’re not ready to part with, put it in a box and store it away until you heal.
Focus on Your Future Initially, while the breakup is still fresh, focus on the basics: eating, staying hydrated, exercising, getting sunlight, and sleeping. When you’re struggling, return to these fundamentals. Cook yourself a meal. Maintain a healthy sleep schedule. Once you’ve stabilized, start thinking about your future—your goals, dreams, and what you want out of life. It’s normal to feel disoriented, especially after a long-term relationship or living together. It’s a major life change. Give yourself time to regain your footing. Sometimes, we put our long-term goals aside for a relationship. Now, you can pursue those goals freely, focusing on what aligns with your personal aspirations.
Don’t Put Her on a Pedestal
As time passes, it’s easy to romanticize the relationship and remember only the good times. But be honest with yourself—were your needs truly met? Were you often unhappy or arguing? Our brains have a way of glossing over the negatives, making us think we’d be better off going back. Remind yourself of the reasons you weren’t compatible and the times things went wrong. At the end of the day, your ex is just a person, not someone irreplaceable. You can find someone who treats you better and aligns with your needs. Of course, keep things in perspective—don’t diminish her entirely—but recognize that even a slightly more compatible partner can feel like a significant upgrade.
What Did You Bring to the Table?
During a breakup, it’s easy to focus on what you’re losing. We often attribute all the good parts of the relationship to our ex, forgetting what we contributed. I remember a breakup where I worried I’d never experience the same fun or excitement again. Then I realized I could still go to those places and have those experiences—on my own or with someone else. Reflecting further, I saw that my happiness and energy often came from me, not him. This isn’t to disparage him but to highlight how much of the relationship’s value I brought to the table. If a relationship isn’t consistently fulfilling during the mundane, day-to-day moments, then it likely wasn’t as good as we idealize it to be. Think about the qualities you brought to the relationship—your kindness, sense of humor, or energy. These traits are yours. They’ll enrich future relationships, and no one can take them from you. At the same time, reflect on any negative traits you brought to the table. Awareness of these can help you grow and ensure your next relationship is even healthier.
Make Sure You Reflect
Many people jump from one relationship to another without taking time to reflect. They repeat the same patterns and wonder why every relationship ends the same way. Instead of looking inward, they place the blame entirely on others. For example, on platforms like TikTok, you’ll see countless videos of people generalizing about how “every man” or “every woman” behaves. Yet there are others with self-awareness who’ve never experienced those issues. At some point, you have to ask yourself:
• Am I bringing certain dynamics into the relationship?
• Am I encouraging or inviting specific behaviors?
• Am I subconsciously sabotaging my relationships?
This isn’t about blaming yourself but creating awareness. If you consistently date people who disrespect you, you might unknowingly act in ways that encourage that behavior—even with someone who normally wouldn’t behave that way. For instance, if you’re used to disrespect, you might enter a new relationship with unintentional habits that elicit disrespect from someone who has never acted that way before. The goal is to recognize patterns and take responsibility for your part. If the same issues keep recurring, consider changing the types of people you date or reflect on the behaviors you might be inviting. This self-awareness can help break the cycle and lead to healthier relationships.
