“My first time was October 18th, 2013. I was a freshman in college. I was alone in my dorm room and I’d just eaten a bunch of Halloween candy. So I purged it. I felt great afterward. I thought I’d discovered a new tool. It seemed like a way to stop gaining weight. But it became very powerful, very quickly. My second time was two days later. Soon it became most meals. I became addicted to watching the numbers drop. I lost all power over it. I was dizzy and depressed all the time. I couldn’t focus in class or go out with friends. For five months, I lost all control. Then I finally got help. I started talking about it. And the more I talked about it, the more control I got back. The eating disorder lost its power when it stopped being a secret. I’m much better now, but I’ll always be recovering. A few weeks ago I had a relapse. It was the first time in months. Even though I was disappointed, I reminded myself that it wasn’t the end of the world. I haven’t lost all the progress I’ve made over the past four years. I just need to stay positive. And keep talking about it.”
