On a personal note Id like to add this -

I get my energy from connection. Specifically, connecting ideas and people.

Additionally, I'm a deeply sentimental kind of person. It's a curse and a blessing, a virtue and a vice, a strength and a weakness. It's a merit to a fault. I remember well. I enjoy sharing the joys of fruits of friendships. I've made enduring memories, lasting inside jokes, and kept up in evolving relative dialogue with the many beautiful people I have connect with over my life.

It's not uncommon for me to experience a stream of thought that leads to a kindling of connection, and then reach out to the person I'm thinking of. I can be short, I can be long winded. I prefer voice messages to texting on the phone. When I sit at a QWERTY I can be verbose because I type well. Often I'll craft a song, or a video, or photoshop some meaningful image that might take hours, just to send a hopeful smile.

I understand completely that I am an outlier. I don't expect my methods to me mimicked.

Furthermore, I am not without awareness that we live in different times. Simply, things are different now. My friends and I juggle our whole lives.

It might go without saying, but I'm not slow to mention to a contact that I appreciate their schedule and don't expect immediate response. Take your time, as you can, when you wish...

With that said, however - it's absolutely befuddling to me that sometimes, even my closer friends don't even pinch off a response of any kind. Not an emoji, not an "LOL," Nothing. Then time passes and still nothing.

I know I can be a lot. But I deliver the pretty righteous packages. So it boggles me to the edge of near madness as I watch growing numbers of contacts in my life just go mute.

I've spoken to a few people about it and the results are staggering, how infuriating some people become at this. Thus the power of "Did Not Read, LOL" or "Ghosting."

But this never seemed to happen, not even in text form, before social media platforms emerged. And maybe that's just it? Maybe it's the onslaught of being flooded with countless modes of communications, each with their own contact list.

I don't know.

I'm a level headed, open hearted, patient person who lookds for the best and is slow to assume. But I admit it's gotten the better of me, and probably will continue to.

The only solution seems to be this : Stop playing my phone like a goddamned slot machine hoping for a pay out from one of the many levers of social media communications (including posts, and likes or comments) - and just disengage entirely.

Journal more. Get away from the clickbaity, habitual, impulsive dopamine mainline.

Be like Enya, and return to innocence.

As I finish these ramblings I return to a previously adjacent realization I had a while back about the relationship of cellphones and compulsive gambling. Which reminds me of how supermarkets are just giant chuck-e-cheese's for adults. Now I'm spread to thin.

Gotta go