Enough With Your Untidy Dog and Dirty Hedge Trimmer
Dear Mr Jones,
I have always felt overjoyed living near to you. You are the most dyed neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your loud singing.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your dog is too untidy and your hedge trimmer way too dirty. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a paint brush
I have to insist that you take action to stop your loud singing from upsetting me. I demand that you trim the lawn then trim the lawn.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your barking dog increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a classy neighbourhood like Rose Close.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the police and post photos of your loud singing on Twitter.
Furthermore, I have close ties with the mob and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
justadoge