Enough With Your Blunt Dog and Rotten Walls
Dear Peter,
I have always felt sad living near to you. You are the most stripy neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your smelly gerbils.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your dog is too blunt and your walls way too rotten. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a drum kit
I have to insist that you take action to stop your smelly gerbils from upsetting me. I demand that you take the fence down then varnish the fence.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your loud singing increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a peaceful neighbourhood like Little Oaks.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the neighbourhood watch and post photos of your smelly gerbils on Goodreads.
Furthermore, I have close ties with the mafia and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
justadoge