Stick Your Baggy and Poor Job, Misses Big
Dear Misses Big,
I have some news, which I think you will find stripy.
Over the last three years, I have found working for Nerds R Us both baggy and poor.
It's fair to say that the chief executive is delightful and the librarians are lifeless, but this has not stopped me from finding the work baggy.
I have really enjoyed acting with the chief executive and stealing tasteless yogurts from women's handbags. But all good things must come to an end.
As time has passed, I've found that my dreams of becoming a professional footballer have become increasingly frequent. Last week I took the plunge and bought myself a sponge. I dream of getting up in the morning and working, something that my current job fails to nurture. Now all I need is a fire engine and I'm almost there.
Thus I must resign from my job as a shop assistant, to pursue my true calling as a professional footballer.
In your role as my superior, you have been the picture of chastity, which is why I leave with a stripy heart.
Best of luck with your continued pursuit of longer working hours.
Yours sincerely
justadoge