Enough With Your Loud Dog and Blunt Dog
Dear Jack,
I have always felt ecstatic living near to you. You are the most hairy neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your smelly gerbils.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your dog is too loud and your dog way too blunt. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a dog collar
I have to insist that you take action to stop your smelly gerbils from upsetting me. I demand that you invest in better sound-proofing then train the dog.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your smelly gerbils increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a classy neighbourhood like Wysteria Lane.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the coast guard and post photos of your smelly gerbils on Goodreads.
Furthermore, I have close ties with gangsters and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
justadoge