Enough With Your Smelly Dog and Bushy Gerbils
Dear Fred,
I have always felt relieved living near to you. You are the most little neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your drum playing.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your dog is too smelly and your gerbils way too bushy. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a paint brush
I have to insist that you take action to stop your drum playing from upsetting me. I demand that you give up drum playing then rehome to dog.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your untidy hedge increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a peaceful neighbourhood like Little Oaks.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the fire brigade and post photos of your drum playing on Instagram.
Furthermore, I have close ties with the mob and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
justadoge