Let me ask you a question.
How do you deal with your problems? Run at them head on? Close your eyes and hope they go away? Or maybe you’re amongst the few which can easily dismiss problems, like water off a duck’s back. Well not me. For years I’ve hid those monsters under my rug, hoping if I don't acknowledge them, they’ll disappear. Grasping at the illusion that if I pretend they don't exist then they’ll get bored and wander off. Instead I end up with a lumpy rug, concealing loneliness, pain, hurt, regret and many other emotions. Each day stepping on the rug, refusing to lift it up and wrestle with these demons which have me paralyzed.
Hello fellow Steemers. As I’ve briefly mentioned in my introduction post, I decided to get off my lazy (hopefully if I ignore my problems they’ll go away) behind and took the proper steps to talk about my mental health, and seek a counsellor. This was a big thing for me to do, as my mental health took a sharp turn and my mind was getting darker and darker. It seems the monsters under the rug were tired of being ignored.
For as long as I can remember, from knee high till now, I’ve hidden my emotions. Always pretending to have rock hard skin. “I ain’t really bothered”, “what’s meant to be will be” or “it is what it is” where my favourite lines, trying my best to conceal my hearts true nature. Assuming men who show emotions are weak, always presuming that as a man, you’re supposed be the rock who your children can look up to and your wife can lean on… Look how far that gets you, a dirty rug with sexually active monsters underneath.
This is not ok…
I’ve made up my mind that these demons will get no more new friends under the rug. No more new play friends. No more new tag team partners. My days of housing these monsters are gone, they're going to have to relocate… or face the fight of their lives.
Now recently, I have been attempting to face these monsters which have plagued me for many years. Admittedly it has been hard, lifting the rug to face them one on one but being ambushed by three at once, throwing them back under the rug and retreating in defeat. They can win the battle, but the war will be mine!
I’m tired of being scared, frozen with anxiety, nervous to what they’ll say. I’m tired of hiding these problems. So, I encourage anyone reading this, you’re not the only one going through your situation, let me reassure you, DON’T GIVE UP! Don't hide, or run from your problems, join me, and face them. One day at a time, one monster at a time.
Jr
