Bear with me here this will become less nihilistic, but first… I can’t be the only one sick to death of the new age “find your purpose” advice, whether it’s “before you were born you chose your life” (I sure don’t remember that…) or filling out a vague chart that only ever reiterates to you some things you like — all these things can get infuriating and further confuse the sincere seeking individual. The pressure can be dire, especially when you feel amidst an ultimate authority such as the Universe awaiting you to follow one specific course of action for the rest of your life… maybe some of these things still have value, I’m not sure, but something like “purpose” if it remains in the abstract can create a neurotic out of anyone.
If you think you aren’t living your purpose or haven’t found it, it can create a lot of pressure. You can live in fear of regret, fear of missing out, fear of failure, feel like you’re not good enough — as well as remain in a state of confusion in an analysis paralysis from a paradox of choice.
I will outline some ideas on purpose but before that, I want you to surrender the idea of purpose entirely. Sit with these words for a moment as if they are true, really try to believe it, even if only momentarily:
You don’t have a purpose.
You are just here.
Wherever you are.
Look around.
Be there.
…
mmm…
Now doesn’t that feel freeing?
I wanted to start this with the surrender of the idea of purpose because it is relaxing. Pretend you are already living your purpose if you have to. Find that relief. Why? Because if you are not relaxed, you will find it hard to be honest with yourself and it will be impossible to realize how you really feel through the layers of self deception, abstract conceptual frameworks and self-induced pressure.
Ultimately you don’t have to do anything, except stop bullshitting yourself, that is. There are just consequences of choice. You may ought to do certain things, but did God give you instructions directly with no ambiguity to fulfil a sacred mission? In other words were you born with a post-it note stuck to your ass? Probably not.
If we had a divine purpose, why would we have the choice of not following it or even being unaware of it? Choice is a key here. We are confronted with potential and we crystallize it with our choices. We hack our way through the dark forest with choice. This is the way it is. We don’t find our path, we tread it with choice.
Purpose in storytelling implies a direction of pursuit performed by a character to unfold a story. In real life this character is the ego and as Eastern religion has pointed out, doesn’t have a real tangible existence apart from such things as the ideas we hold about ourselves, our memory and conditioning. It’s our sense of personal identity. When we struggle with our sense of personal identity, we also struggle with our purpose and so our story can stall.
Even though the ego apparently has no real substance, we still seem to come gifted with certain affinities for things in life. Things that generate some awe, wonder or inspiration in ourselves that we can easily forget or deem unimportant. This can start to hint at direction or purpose, but cannot be realized through desperation or trying to strangle an answer out of something.
I have personally struggled an incredible amount when it comes to purpose. The search took me to Peru, fuelled my extensive substance ‘exploration’, led me through an ungodly amount of reading and I became captivated with various people who seemed to know the answers (the cracks eventually show with everyone) but I never quite got there because I realized there is no ‘there’ to get. The ‘there’ is always here.
However purpose is not a useless concept, we do still need guidance. Feeling lost is very uncomfortable, although quite common and seemingly necessary, offering a great chance for introspection. In these moments of confusion I found the following ideas the closest I’ve come to an answer:
There you have it.
I will share with you one last insight I had personally when I posed the question of my purpose to myself while in Peru tripping on San Pedro:
‘There is no purpose, only a path.’
This showed me that in purpose, there is no ultimate. Everything is in constant flux, moving and changing form. I believe this path is the spiritual path of expanding your consciousness of yourself and the world around you and trying not to get swept away by distractions and thought. To see life as it is. To see yourself as you are. To grow without getting in your own way.
When I posed this question I got an overwhelming sense of my own stupidity, as if I had a higher self saying “That’s really the question you want to ask?”.
This is because the answer was asking the question.
There is nothing greater than you in your own life.
The search for purpose is the search for yourself.
