I've been feeling a lot of discomforts lately, my eyes are itchy (from the tears I think), my back hurts a lot, then my waist too, I've had some ibuprofen, but the pain didn't budge, so instead of pumping more ibuprofen, I decided to let the pain stay.
It's become somewhat numb, and a bit dull and close to my spine (not to worry, it's a familiar pain) I think it has intensified over the past two weeks because, somehow I feel the pain I'm feeling up there generally transcends and correlates to the physical one I'm feeling.
It's not life-threatening, but it's niggling, and things like swerving or moving create the constant reminder that there's pain there. I'm no stranger to pain, I let this one stay because I'm still severely hurt from my only brother's passing
Inasmuch as this isn't pleasant to my body, it feels too hard to let go, the normal statement would be "Let it go, life continues and all that" but pain is distinctive and sometimes people need to individually feel it on their own to understand the impact of loss and why mere words will not change its impact.
Surprisingly, I've gotten a lot of love from old-time acquaintances, childhood friends, and all. At this juncture, it's not a surprise anymore to know that hard times separate people from people in your life.
Some people might never learn these lessons; that some friendship in life is fleeting
It's based on making money, chasing goals, and nothing sentimental or emotional, and the moment you begin to experience a decline or go through tough times, this is when you begin to understand that people are too busy in life to be vested in raising you. No concerns, life lessons hit hard with each hard time you pass through.
Just yesterday I was 19 and enjoying life to the fullest. Today I'm 30, and the downward spiral that has followed is unimaginable. I'm learning again, it's a pity that it took the loss of my closest relative to learn another lesson.
I've been vested in studying a lot, maybe I should have chosen to be a medical personnel, just like I could have when I was 13. Don't blame me, I'm talking a lot of jibberish at the moment. It's typical of anyone who is going through pain and regret: wishing they could change things, rearrange reality, and turn back the hands of time.
The crises of thoughts hit differently every morning and night, I have these episodes where I completely zap off and switch, becoming unaware of my immediate environment and completely lost in thought. I'm trying not to blame anyone or any situation for my loss.
In my quiet prayerful moment, I always hope for grace, so as not to become resentful, hateful, or regretful
I'm trying not to slide into that rabbit hole where I begin to share the blame and lose myself in the process.
The pressure I'm currently going through is unimaginable, and it's enough to lash out. I've been channeling all that energy to watching movie trailers, skits, and memes and of course...... writing out my heart.
The mental pain will definitely ease, but the arduous torture and strain might remain.... I'll not fight it, I'll let it stay. Once again, accepting that reality hurts can be vain. I'm beginning to lose any expectations I might still have in my mind, I think this will be instrumental to knowing where I stand when my healing journey comes to an end.
Interested in some more of my works
