I remember working a job where I got sacked in 2014, apparently, there were a lot of inconsistencies in my work and the clients were beginning to notice some inexcusable errors in my work.
I was better than that These errors could have been avoided if I had my head in the game, but I'd just lost my dad, although I had a very supportive woman who I loved so much (even if it was very early in life) who left afterward. We had our lives planned out that early, but things changed.
She had a bigger goal to chase in life, and what I fail to understand is that sometimes we plan to succeed without thinking there's a chance that we might actually fail.
Long story short, I lost two people dear to me, one was to death, and the other, a different and not permanent form of loss. One thing about loss is that we need people to go through loss with, inasmuch as we want to grieve, silently, give up on the world, and keep reliving the reality of life and death, we need people to go through loss with.
These are the people who encourage us to see light amid our darkness.
The people whose presence might just convince us to see life as a gift that's worth treasuring. Not having these types of people makes it possible to lose the fight against grief.
In 2014, I lost that one person who could have put my head in the game. A lot of people might think "oh family members or relatives can do that" but if you've not grieved a personal loss, you'll not understand that in a time of grief, those people who are closest to you are the ones who are farthest from you.
The people who you share closer bonds with might just be the people who are too busy raising kids, having a lone peaceful time with their partners or are just too caught up with their jobs or education.
There's nothing to be pained or sad about this, it's reality, and no one is to be blamed, the more you understand, humanity, the more you'll prepare yourself for some of its most inevitable downsides.
This is why I expect anything from anybody, no matter how close they are to me. Training your mind to know how uncertain people or life can help will help you grow a different type of thick skin.
While this point is not a diss, you'll realize that problems or pain is the only metric to measure the closeness of people to you, irrespective of the previous illusion of closeness you felt before things started happening to you.
So I lost that job in 2014 because my errors were too noticeable. It was unusual of me to make those errors, and whether or not we're in pain or grieving, we still have to work to pay the bills. This reality check didn't snap me out from this phenomenon, and I lost that fight to grief and I plundered into a rabbit hole of hopelessness, grief, brokenness, and lack.
Sometimes, the smallest problems in life are "money problems".
The reason why I say this is that having the motivation to work and hustle without being cumbered by an emotional state of loss or sadness, is divine. It took about a year to get over 2014, and while that year was one of the darkest years of my life, I feel that the darkness that came with 2023 is a different kind of furnace: one in which the conflagration has burned with a different kind of pain.
I'm looking at 2023, it feels like a battle I'm naked fighting with the thought of my only siblings not there, if feels like a lost cause. I miss when the problem is used to money alone. Now it's everything. From not even having the motivation to work, to real-time crazy expenses, expectations, responsibilities, and a whole newer reality to face.
Interested in some more of my works