I kept getting distracted by the treasure out there, be it love, lifestyle, making money or pure simplicity.
The tank is completely empty now, this is good.
Whether big or small, buried or worn on my once sad face, all past mistakes, pain, addictions and distractions are at an end and resolved. I'll make more mistakes too, just not the same ones all being well.
I'm ready to open fully to the world as the lone wolf i am and be vulnerable to it and all.
The huge cycle is complete.
I am left only with my heart and the dream, the dream i have dream't since i was a little boy and the dream i dream when i don't drink to try and block it out. I almost have enough money now and my faith is getting stronger.
These are good signs.
I've forgiven myself for all those wrong turns, i slip up and my ego thwarts me by taking me back to the past again, but this time i do not fight it. I just work through it, purge into the absolute finally. All those mistakes, collected into a vortex or some sort of torus field, that i've then released out the top and back into the nothingness of the unmanifest.
I rarely drink at all nowadays and it only tends to make me dance when i do. I only drank when the energies were too much but i know that i should just let it all flow through me without resistance.
Now the recurrent dream is vividly powerful, lucid in fact.
But it has to become lucid living.
My heart aches so bad everyday for it, i realize most of my mistakes were lessons to bring me back to that thing my heart has always yearned for so much.
There's no final destination out there for me though, no-one is waiting for me, no-one can help me, there's no groups to join, no place to call home except earth itself and just focusing on making money won't do it either.
I doubt you'll see this, but in spirit you will always be my friend. You taught me much and opened my heart again. I have made the decision and i've been preparing mentally, physically and financially.
There's nothing left to say or distract myself with.
Here's to the dreamers.
Jon <3
