When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

Will Not Type 2017

Thou art a Vain, Hedge-born Flap-dragon.

It’s quiet in a bowling alley because you can hear a pin drop.

Kindness is the golden chain by which society is bound together. -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Old Jethro's next door's a-makin' moonshine again." the wife told her husband."How can you tell ?" he asked. "Did you smell it ?""Nope. But a bunch of mice from over

Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?"

Yo mama so fat when she went to McDonalds they offered her a group discount

Chuck Norris can remember the future.

Showing Up Un Announced

Thou art a Venomed, Onion-eyed Foot-licker.

These reversing cameras are great. Since I got one I haven’t looked back.

You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings. -Pearl Buck

A man, being on top of a woman, says after a while: "Honey, your tits are too small, and your box is too tight,""Get off my back, dear!" she replies

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Yo mama is so fat, she got arrested at the airport for ten pounds of crack

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Wedding Dress For Sale

Thou art an Artless, Dread-bolted Canker-blossom.

I once thought about cloning a new, more efficient brain, but then I realized that I was getting a head of myself.