That is what we are
No one in between
How can we be wrong
―Maurice, Robin and Barry Gibb
I'd like to say I befriended Nat Cohen, but it was more a case of life throwing us together and both of us discovering we were a perfect fit.
I saw myself as a kind of tragic hero, oftentimes the plaything of Fate, but in meeting Nat I experienced what Aristotle called anagnorisis or a moment of recognition, not only of a Nat as a person but what he stood for in my life.
I believed Nat was an agent of Fate sent to help me connect with the girl in my dreams.
Even thinking this way seemed so pretentious, but I honestly saw Nat as part of this bigger picture and that's why I was so willing to entrust him with the secret of my life.
Now, I know how confiding a secret turned out for Henchard in The Mayor of Casterbridge when he confided his life's secret to Farfrae, but I felt Henchard's downfall occurred not because he trusted Farfrae but as a result of his own inner flaws that caused him to be suspicious of his friend's motives.
In that regard, I saw no problem because I trusted Nat from the very first moment I met him and knew we had a deeper connection that was more of a soul tie than simply being friends.
"I need to tell you something, " I whispered hoarsely, as though imparting some dread secret, "and I don't want you to freak out."
Nat's eyes grew wide but he stopped and nodded solemnly.
"The Boulders are just a historical site to you but they're so much more to me. You see, I carved on them my initials and the initials of the girl I loved."
Nat looked perplexed. "But I thought you never knew about The Boulders before I mentioned them to you in the coffee shop."
"I didn't―you revived that memory."
"And when did you carve your names on the stone?"
"A hundred years ago."
I watched the blood drain out of Nat's face. He just stared at me as if I were mad.
"I...I don't understand," he stammered.
"I'm sorry, Nat," I consoled him. "For what it's worth, neither do I."
He looked off into the distance, brow furrowed and deep in thought. "So, you're telling me you're a time traveler?"
I had to laugh. "No, no, not a time traveler―but something almost as improbable. You see, I've been having these dreams about a girl, Lillian Yardley, and she and I were lovers back in the past."
"So, this is a form of reincarnation?"
"I don't know," I said helplessly, "I'm still trying to figure it out."
Nat frowned again as if trying to come to grips with what I said.
"You know the locals discovered names carved in these stones but they were from the 1800's. A local school carved the names of a teacher and the graduating class."
"I don't know anything about that," I said lamely.
"Let's take a look," he said, scrambling over slippery river rocks and I followed closely behind.
We stopped and stared at The Boulders covered with a thick layer of green moss.
"These stones haven't been disturbed in a long time. Nobody knows about them--I do, because I collect local trivia, but finding initials carved after a century would be hard."
"But it wouldn't be hard for me because I know where I carved them."
I saw a light dance in Nat's eyes and knew he was roped in.
"Okay, I'll let you excavate, Indiana Jones."
I crouched down almost to the water level and ran my fingers over the stone.
"Hmm, the water level's higher than in my dream or vision. I hope the carving isn't submerged."
Nat reached into his pocket and fished out a pocket knife. "Try scraping the moss away with this."
As I scraped away the thick matting of moss I felt a familiar frisson, as if I were peeling back the layers of the past.
The work was tedious and daunting. The boulders were huge and scraping away the moss was frustratingly slow and arduous.
Just as I was about to stop and rest, I saw the letters, PT and below them LY. They were faded but still legible.
"Oh my God," Nat exclaimed and sat down beside me on the damp creek bank. "I don't believe it."
"I'm not sure I do either, " I said, half-dazed with wonder, but relieved.
"I take it PT are your initials. What do they stand for?" he asked.
"Paul Thickett," I blurted out. I hadn't known the surname until that moment.
"Well, that gives me two names to research," he said.
I was shaking with excitement or fright―I wasn't sure which―I wasn't sure of anything at all, least of all myself and who I really was.