― Caitlín R. Kiernan
Temptation
I'm no Ulysses on some glorious quest, just a man intent on a homecoming, returning to the College and being reunited with a long lost love―at least, that was my intention when I embarked on this journey.
But life has a way of breaking you and ensuring your deepest dreams are shipwrecked, just to test what kind of stuff you're made of and whether against the odds, you'll still succeed.
Whether or not I emerge at the end as a hero or end up the victim of my stalker I have no idea, but this I do know―like Ulysses I'm curious enough to want to hear the Sirens' song but too weak to resist unless I'm lashed to a mast to prevent me from drowning.
My safe place is my house and my mast, my writing, producing this journal of thoughts that helps keep me sane when I'm unsure which way to turn or which way to go.
I'm doing this a lot lately, staring at my laptop, trying to make sense of what I just wrote, but it helps me navigate the dangerous shoals that threaten to wreck me or tempt me away from my goal.
But lately the Sirens' song is less melodious and more a bewitching chorus led by Sarah and Jana, each with their own purpose, pulling me in opposite directions.
Sarah's my Protectress and Jana my temptress, but they confound me by alternating roles until I'm dizzy trying to orient myself and locate true north.
I don't think Jana deliberately lied to me but her tip about Bart Hunter was misleading and threw me off track.
And Sarah for some reason has been withholding information from me―if not for Matt's disclosure I wouldn't know she did a 'deep dive' into my past relationships with women.
The question is, what did she see in those depths that made her reluctant to confront me?
And that's my perennial problem with women―I never know where I stand or if I should stay or flee.
Yeah, Poor me, just the victim of desire and a willingness to listen to a Siren's song that could result in the death of me.
Back at the College it's business as usual if one can return to routine after being threatened by a package bomb―hoax or not, the meaning was clear―someone wants to kill me. Doesn't exactly make me feel secure going about my day.
I put the threat out of my mind as best I can and sit sipping coffee in the Hart House Grill.
"Hey, Prof, last lecture on Hardy today?"
It's Bart Hunter of all people, hair damp from showering and carrying an Addidas bag―probably just back from a workout at the Hart House Gym.
"Hey Bart! That's right. Guess you'll be glad to be done with the perils of Tess Durbeyville―at least until the exam."
"Actually, I got a lot out of those lectures. Didn't realize how Victorian my own attitudes were. Of course, debating with Jana kind of made me rethink a lot of my views. I'm enjoying the class so far."
He smiled and headed off to the buffet table to order his breakfast, leaving me pleasantly surprised at his change of attitude.
Maybe there is hope even for male chauvinists...perhaps, even for me as well.
The morning went more smoothly than I could anticipate and my afternoon lecture as well. All in all, it was turning into a banner day...until I received a push notification on my phone. Someone set off the motion detector on my car.
I was heading back to my office but made a quick detour through the quad and was at my car within minutes. I spotted Jana McPherson hurrying away.
My heart sunk. Jana? What the hell?
I continued on and spotted a note tucked beneath my windshield wiper:
Need to talk to you,
Jana
...and scrawled beneath that cryptic plea, her cell phone number.
I had no clue what she wanted and so I hesitated, unsure of what to do.
Should I respond by calling her or wait until I’ll see her after the weekend? She is a student after all and I should keep a professional distance.
But staring closely at the note, I can see it was rapidly written on a page torn from a workbook. It's obvious the girl was agitated. That settles the matter for me. She might be in danger.
I punch in the digits of her number on my cell phone.