all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
―Rumi
Midnight House
I hate waiting...I've always hated waiting. I suppose the only exception was when I was a boy and looking forward to Christmas. That kind of waiting is more a joyful expectation and I savoured each day and enjoyed the season.
But this is different. This state of not knowing is akin to being in limbo―not exactly the 'abandon all hope' of Dante's Inferno, but more a state of suspended animation where you can expend all the effort you want but it may not come to anything.
I'm talking about finding Cindy and with each passing day my hopes are getting dimmer. Easy for Lev to say I should just camp out in my neighbourhood until I find her. Well, getting to see her is only the first step―there's no guarantee if I do make contact that she'll even talk to me.
I don't ever recall a time in my life when things were this difficult. Maybe it's me―maybe I am Hamlet suffering from melancholy.
It's a cold and windy late September night. It's just turned autumn but feels wintry. There's nothing more bleak and desolate than a midnight house when you're feeling lonely.
Finally, I can't take it anymore. I get in my car and drive to the plaza to get a takeout coffee from Timmies. Elaine's working the late shift and she always cheers me.
She spots me and gives me a big smile. "Hey Prof, working late grading papers?"
"Hi Elaine. No, not working...not doing much of anything. One of those nights I guess."
She reads my mood and her face grows somber.
"We all have those nights, Prof. A good-looking guy like you shouldn't be alone so much."
"Not my choice," I mutter.
"Hang on for a minute, Prof." She calls out to another woman cleaning a counter behind her. "You've been here too long, Mazie―go home to your husband. I'll close up here."
The other woman protests but eventually grabs her coat and leaves.
Elaine turns back to me."Tell you what, Prof. Park your car and come inside and have coffee with me. It helps to have company when you're feeling down."
"You don't have to do that, Elaine," I demur, but she'll have no part of it.
"You're not just a good customer, Prof―you're a friend. Let's just share coffee and chat."
I shrug and park the Viper under a nearby light where I can watch it and then walk back and enter the shop. She's turned down the inside lights and then locks the door once I'm inside.
"I'm supposed to close at twelve but sometimes let the Drive-thru stay open till one as a courtesy. But hell, tonight, we deserve a break as well."
"Thanks, Elaine," I smile ruefully.
"No problem, Prof. The till is closed and the coffee and croissants are on the house. We'll have a late night party."
We both sit in a booth sipping coffee and munching on cheese croissants.
"If you don't mind me asking, how come there's no young lady in your life, Prof?"
"Well, there was―or, I thought there was, until a misunderstanding occurred. I haven't seen her since."
"That's too bad. You strike me as one of the good guys―there's a lot of shady types out there. Maybe she's been hurt before."
"Actually, she was, but I got to admit from her viewpoint it looks bad for me. I've been searching for her but can't find her so maybe that's a sign it wasn't meant to be."
She tilts her coffee into the light as if scrying a crystal ball.
"Your story reminds me of a woman who comes in here―very attractive but single like you. She also has been burned by a bad relationship and feels like she's never going to meet Mr. Right."
"Maybe there is no right one," I mutter, "maybe we just make do with whoever we're with."
She arches an eyebrow. "Do you really believe that?"
"Naw, I'm an incorrigible romantic. The guy always gets the girl in my novels."
"Then, you're a writer too? Shame on you, Prof―you should know when someone is in love with you."
"Oh I've had my share of faux romances that never really were."
"Like Lori with her schoolgirl crush?"
"You know about that?"
"Hmm, hmm, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about an attractive woman in her mid-thirties who's waiting for you to fight for her."
My jaw drops. "You mean you know who I'm talking about?"
Elaine rises and deliberately takes her time putting away the dishes. She obviously has a flair for the dramatic and is wringing out every last drop of suspense as she towels off the table.
"C'mon, Elaine―I'm dying here. Do you know Cindy?"
"I know a beautiful young woman named Cynthia Woods who lives alone in a townhouse near you and jogs every afternoon on the Bruce Trail near Smokey Hollow."
"I'll be damned... I searched every inch of that trail above the falls."
"I'm not saying it's the same girl, but if I were you, I'd try that location."
"Thank you, Elaine!" I cry, hugging her. "I don't know how I'll ever make this up to you."
She frowns, "It's not me you have to impress―now scoot and get a good night's sleep. Tomorrow you have a big challenge ahead."
I leave the coffee shop on top of the world. It's after one am and I have to be out by seven in the morning for an early department meeting. But I doubt I'll get much sleep.
I watch Elaine exit the shop and wave to her, waiting until she gets safely in her car and drives away.
Tomorrow and tomorrow―the phrase takes on a whole new meaning for me. Tomorrow if I see Cindy again, I'll make sure I don't blow it.
One thing I know for certain―I'm no Hamlet. I don't believe life is a meaningless tale told by an idiot.
There's a lesson here. Be content with what you have.
How ironic that word comes up again and again. I guess that's what Life has been showing me.