heartbreaking stupidity of words.
― William Faulkner
I just saw a ghost. Watched its shape dissolve, merge into gathering darkness and disappear. It was the kind of experience that makes you doubt what you just saw.
Ordinarily, me being me and so damn insecure, I'd cross-examine my senses, analyze my motives and doubt my perceptions. Yep, I would, except for one little fact...
Mitzi saw it too. She waved and the ghost waved back.
On what planet does that happen? When do rules governing reality get suspended and the departed don't stay dead but revisit us from heaven?
I want to leave the window where I'm standing, take hold of Mitzi and quiz her on what just happened. That's what I want to do but I'm shaking too much to even walk. Besides, I don't want to upset her further―the poor girl just got her daughter back.
Since as usual,I don't know what the hell to do, I simply slump to the floor beside the playpen where Ben is still fast asleep and pray Mitzi takes her time coming in so I can recover some semblance of my wits.
Thankfully, I hear Abe's excited voice and sense his relief as he runs across the field calling Katie's name.
Then things go quiet and I imagine he's asking a million questions that make me wonder how Mitzi will explain.
The police units return, with bobbing flashlight beams in woods and static crackle of walkie talkies. The command post calls off the search.
Mitzie comes into the front room carrying Katie, who clings tightly to her mom. She spots Ben in the playpen, "Oh good, Laird, you got him to sleep. Katie's exhausted―I have to put her to bed."
I smile to reassure her. "Sure, go ahead, I'll touch base with Abe when he comes in. I'm glad it all turned out alright."
She nods, too tired to talk and carries Katie upstairs.
Eventually there'll be questions―I have no idea what she'll tell Abe, but I'll leave that to her. She's had an exhausting day.
Cindy comes in and says nothing but drops down on the floor beside me and leans her head on my shoulder.
I wrap an arm around her to console her and hold her tight. Her hair smells fresh, an outdoors scent of snowflakes and wind, and she trembles and clings to me as if I were her strength.
Yeah, the girl is deluded.
The command unit vacates the den and police vans pull out, headlight tunnels sweeping the fields and disappearing down the road.
Abe pokes his head in, "I better take Ben upstairs―I'll be back down in a few minutes. There's coffee and snacks in the kitchen. Make yourself comfortable."
"No Abe, "Cindy pipes up, "it's been an exhausting day. We just came by to touch base. We should go. We'll update you
tomorrow if you're back at work."
Abe has Ben in his arms, "I'll be in tomorrow―and by the way, thanks guys, for all your help."
On the drive home we're quiet, watching the darkness flow past the windows, each of us dealing with our own separate feelings.
I want to tell Cyn about the ghost but can't―that's up to Mitzy to tell if she chooses.
I want to tell her I'm proud of her strength, but the words would stick in my throat. I feel so impotent and angry I could explode.
I'm glad Katie is safe but I'm so disappointed in myself. What the hell does Cindy see in me?
Maybe Abe was right―we're not a good match―not because she's a looker and I'm a nerd, but because I'm weak...
too weak to make a difference, too timid to make myself heard.