sensitive but not a wuss.
―Terri Irwin
Tough Guy
We make it home just before the pizza arrives.
I'm so tired and sore from a day of hard work at the project, I don't even feel I have strength enough to eat, but I'm not going to tell Izzie that. Nope, if I admit to being bushed, a lot more than my body will suffer―my ego will be bruised.
She might even talk me into taking a day off. Mind you, no one at the job site would probably judge me, but yeah, it's a man thing. I'd judge myself and feel inadequate.
So, despite feeling sore from head to toe, I'll get a good night's sleep and then tomorrow, off to work I'll go.
I pay for the pizza and bring it into the den where Izzie already has plates and wine set out and a fire going.
"This will be more cozy than Milestones," she smiles.
That's putting a happy face on the evening―she's such a positive lady, I chuckle inwardly.
"So tell me how your day went," she asks, eyes shining.
"It's hard work drywalling, but Will Novak is a master tradesmen and a good teacher. I like him."
"You look tanned―did you work outside too?"
No, I ate lunch in the open but it's construction and lots of fresh air. I like it, It reminds me of the Road Crews at Millhaven when we'd get to work for the County."
"Thee is mad boy," she giggles, "only you would compare volunteering to a work detail at a prison."
"So what? It's all honest work―out in the open―very wholesome."
She kisses me and musses my hair. "You look like you're seventeen right now. That's what drew me to you―your innocence."
I feel like I'm gut punched. Izzie sees me as innocent? In what universe is that even possible?
It dawns on me the way she sees me is the way I hope to be―but I'm not there yet and because of my past, never will be.
And yes, I haven't forgotten about Tess coming back to haunt me today. Why now and why when I've found someone who really loves me?
...And maybe that's my answer. Because I'm unworthy. Izzie doesn't see me―at least, not the real me―she knows only this latest version.
Yeah, it's easy when you inherit wealth and your father's reputation, but there's not a lot separating me from Mace Wells or Granger ...or Tess, for that matter.
Given the right set of circumstances, I could be right back there in an instant. And when I felt at my weakest today, I was.
I’m not innocent—just not guilty and there’s a big difference between the two.
I realize I’ve been lost in my thoughts and glance over at lzz staring into the fire. Maybe she didn’t notice my silence. Yeah, in my dreams. Women notice everything.
But, then again, flames are mesmerizing—I should know.
“Hey, I haven’t asked about your first day back and that was the whole purpose of taking you to dinner.”
She shrugs, “That was your purpose, but we both started a new job today. Don’t worry, I was waiting for you to eat, figuring you’d be hungry, but you still haven’t eaten anything.”
“Maybe I’m too distracted by new things. So, tell me about your day.”
She sits back and crosses her legs, lotus-style—the way Tess used to do, but I hurriedly put that out of my mind.
“Everyone was really happy to see me. They bought doughnuts and coffee and we had a little reunion. Alison James who worked closely with me was in tears. I had no idea she missed me so much—or that anyone did for that matter.”
“I’m sure they all missed you, Izzie.”
“Well, it turns out Ted Knight, my former editor, directed everyone not to contact me because of so-called legal reasons. He’s such a snake. I’m sure he was paid off by Norm Albright.”
“Yeah, that sucks, but the guy’s a loser so don’t waste energy on him—he’s gone.”
I can see tears in her eyes at the injustice done to her but I know dwelling on the past won’t help and will only hurt her in the long run.
Yeah, actually I’m trying to learn that lesson myself.
She dries her eyes with a paper napkin and gives her head a shake as if trying to dispel bad thoughts.
"This is crazy," she admonishes herself. "We're celebrating, so do you want to hear some good news?”
“Of course,” I laugh, “we can use some of that right now.”
“Bernie Peevers called me and says he’s going to testify against Norm Albright. He also told me he’s got some evidence that will prove you had nothing to do with the arson and will provide materials to the court that will clear you of all guilt.”
I stare at her. “You’re kidding—he’d do that for me?”
She nods. “He said knowing you spent two years in the pen for a crime you didn’t commit really got to him. He knows Wells and Granger set you up as they did him and several others. He wants to show they were employed by Norm Albright to scare people into selling their land.”
It takes a second or two for what she said to register in my head. Bernie Peevers is actually going to defy the Clan and a powerful criminal like Norm Albright in order to do what's right. Go figure.
Here I am trying to act macho and prove to Isabel I'm tough, and a guy like Bernie Peevers is risking his life to turn evidence.
I don’t know what I thought being a man was but it wasn’t what I imagined.
Hell, even Tess used to tease me saying, being macho is not mucho. That's about the only thing she ever told me that was true.