― Rumi
The late night flight back to Toronto was uneventful but still uncomfortable.
I found myself struggling to suppress Zara's image as it floated up from my subconscious like the ghostly Moon rising outside the window.
I told Zara I might gaze at some stars on the flight home but didn't anticipate having to exorcise her spirit and banish her from my thoughts.
What the hell was happening here and why was I suddenly feeling vulnerable?
This was more than dissatisfaction with work.
I retrieved my car from the multi-level airport parking garage, navigating a maze of lanes that finally merged onto Highway 401, and pointed the car toward home.
The night was still, the highway deserted and the Moon setting in the west. It was a sullen orb just above the horizon, reminiscent of Zara's face.
It's my lot, I mused cynically, to be disappointing to women. But tomorrow, I'd rescue things with Anna and hopefully redeem one sector of my existence, at least for the time being...
As for the future, that was yet to be determined.
Culture wars aside, I'd make an effort to cope with my situation and pray the climate of politics might change for the better.
I had a good night's sleep, went for a relaxing hike on the Bruce Trail and by the time 7 p.m. rolled around, I was looking forward to my date with Anna.
She looked beautiful and mysterious with her dark hair down and I was easily lost in the depths of her eyes. I wondered how I could even be tempted by thoughts of another woman and refused to even allow the thought of Zara to enter my mind.
Yes, I felt ashamed and guilty, but hadn't given into temptation although I had been momentarily blinded. Men are always distracted by bright things but thankfully, I resisted.
In the soft glow of candlelight Anna was breath-taking and all I could focus upon was her beauty.
"I love the ambiance of the Village," she smiled, "the way all cares seem to melt away like magic."
She was right--the night was enchanting, but the magic was entirely her. I regretted time lost worrying about politics and ignoring such a precious treasure.
I needed time with her to remind myself of what really mattered and over the course of the evening the harshness of the past few weeks finally faded into the background and I saw only my image reflected in her eyes.
I slept late on the Sunday knowing another sunny day lay before me with no obligation other than catching an evening flight back to Washington.
I was toying with the idea of going to the lake when my cell buzzed.
I picked up, expecting it was Anna, but was surprised to hear Sam Michael's voice on the other end.
"So, I suppose you dropped a few hints to start the rumour mills churning," he said soberly.
"Good morning to you too, Sam, " I teased, amused by his serious tone.
"Why not just come straight out and say you're stepping out of the rat race--why beat around the bush?"
"Honestly Sam, I have no idea what you're talking about."
"So you didn't confide to a journalist from The Post that you're thinking about taking a break from the culture wars?"
"Absolutely not. Actually, your objections got me thinking and I decided to stay where I am."
"Well, that's not what was broadcast on the morning news, from an 'unidentified source' as the saying goes."
"That's weird. The only two people I spoke to about my plans were you and Anna and I know neither of you have loose lips."
He chuckled wryly.
"That's for sure. I'd never breathe a word about something you confided to me in private. Sounds like someone has been eavesdropping on you. Better be careful, Mark."
"I will, thanks for the heads-up, Sam."
I got off the phone feeling ill at ease and a bit paranoid. I hadn't mentioned or talked about my views at the Network--only in phone calls with Anna and Sam and private meals with both of them.
If someone was out to embarrass me or worse yet, out me for my views on culture wars, then they were playing a very insidious and invasive game.
On the other hand, It might just be a junior correspondent bragging about having a scoop when he simply made up a rumour.
Yeah, I preferred the latter explanation, because the former one made me feel vulnerable. It was prudent to assume the best while remaining vigilant and ready to cope with the worst.
It was typical of hazards I had to face, sometimes on a daily basis, but it came with the territory and I accepted it.