I started my car for the first time in 6 weeks earlier this past week. It was plugged into a trickle charger for several days, connected to a super long extension cord that my neighbor kindly loaned me. The cord remarkably reached my car from my unit. I was thrilled to hear my car rev up finally but only drove it around the loop of my cul de sac and called it a day. I had a sniffle and didn’t feel ready to venture out. Also, I was anxious to return the cord that conspicuously snaked from my door, past the laundry room, to the furthest end of the parking garage.
After giving my car a wash today and making a plan to do drive by hellos, it didn’t start. Was it the water? Should I have immediately gone for a drive after unplugging the trickle charger earlier this week?
This was a learning experience. My car really loved being my daily driver and needed to be driven regularly. We’ve lost our rhythm with pandemic life. Both our batteries’ voltage suffered. I’ve lost my rhythm with myself. I need a trickle charger for myself and I’m not sure what to plug myself into.
I’ve been under the weather for the past 6 weeks with a sniffle which is very unlike myself. It may well be the stress of solitude during a pandemic. Teaching cheers up my days but after sitting for several hours at the piano talking to my students through a device, I’m anxious to relax at a different place in my home. I need to make a new plan to create balance between work and play. I have a few ideas to play with this coming week.
Relaxing in solitude is easier when there’s no pandemic. I’ve no one to bounce my thoughts with and miss the engaging conversations of pre-shelter in place times. I’m keeping unusual hours and hardly sleeping as I read and research the state of things. I don’t own a television so escapism isn’t exactly on the menu. Nor was alcohol since I gave that up for Lent. I’ve spent the bulk of these past few weeks wide eyed sober alone researching and wondering if the world at large will die.
Social media is a saving grace and treacherous poison at the same time. Questioning the hive mind got me stung several times over. Folks draw blood if you go against the flow.
I’m not sorry to question the shelter in place mandate and want to know the game plan for returning to normal life. I don’t have a cushion of funds to carry this lifestyle indefinitely and I find it repugnant how too many people are unaware that not everyone around the world is enjoying a reflective slower lifestyle of mimosas and gourmet homemade meals. Not everyone is chilling at home - binge watching television shows and playing video games. Geez, not everyone in the world has a television or even decent internet connection. I’m living relatively privileged but yet am not oblivious to the hardships that must be happening around the world. The blindness of others made me sad until someone found the eloquent words I was at a loss for.
Someone posted that though we are in this storm together, we are not on the same boat.
Finally, a soul that resonated with me. I was able to write a preamble and share what I needed to clear the noise that was weighing me down in my solitude.
You can read the repost in it’s entirety here. It said a lot and it said it loudly and kindly. The author is unknown but their words were powerful and will create a calm new wave.
Their words quieted the storm that I was weathering solo at home. They brought perspective to some of the very people that I was bumping against online.
I finally didn’t feel alone.
JNET
