INTRA - TRIBAL OR INTER - TRIBAL MARRIAGE?

Holla Hivers

Trust we had a refreshing weekend? I am excited to share with us what I witnessed this weekend about inter-tribal marriage. So, the groom happened to be my friend and colleague, a medical doctor. He is Yoruba by tribe which is one of the major tribes and languages in Nigeria. He got wedded to an urhobo lady who happens to be a medical doctor also. Both are doctors right? Detail for another season. Urhobo is a tribe in south – south Nigeria, specifically in Delta state. I really do not know much about them but, I know they consume alcohol a whole lot (this was evidenced by crates of alcoholic drinks at the engagement).
Forgot to mention, the engagement was held on same day as the wedding. In Nigeria, weddings usually start with an INTRODUCTION which is usually several months before the wedding. Some tribes make it elaborate where canopies are erected. Some introductions are simple and, held among families of both intending spouses. The Engagement or Traditional wedding is usually held one day before the wedding while some hold it some hours to the wedding. I must say, most weddings are held weekends (Friday/Saturdays) and few are held within the working days of the week.
This wedding I came to Lagos for (some 300 Kilometers away) was held on Saturday. The engagement was held very early hours of the day (about 7am) while the Church wedding was held somewhat about 11a.m. There is a RECEPTION usually held after the church wedding to entertain visitors, and serve them food (mind you, in Nigeria, do not miss Nigeria party Jollof, it is usually a divine food).
This wedding happened to be the first for me to witness a two distant tribe engaging in marital rites. The Engagement was done according to the tradition of Urhobo while a small engagement was held after to honour the Yorubas. The bride was called in and the audience was made to give money as a donation to the in-bound wife. This gesture goes beyond the release of money, it signifies importance, a place of value such as to give worth to the incoming bride. The groom was seated in the audience and after a while, the bride sat at some distance away from the groom. The groom was well dressed in the Urhobo attire where he wore a shirt and wrapped a cloth round his waist (what we do for love and tribe we are marrying into). The bride was asked on three occasions if she consented to the groom’s proposal for marriage willingly and shyly, she said a YES!!! with a sounding applause from the audience.

Now, let us get to the interesting part. The groom was asked to bring One Million, Eight Hundred Thousand (N1,800,000) Naira {approximately $2,100} ONLY as the bride price. On hearing this, my heart shook as I wondered if the groom had already consented to this huge amount prior to the engagement. I did not want to believe my ears as I wondered if we would truly be able to get the bride we came for. Few consultations were made and elders (including parents of the groom) prostrated in plea to have a consideration for the amount charged. The bride price was thus reduced to Five Hundred Thousand Naira (N500,000) which is approximately $580. Another plea was made and finally, the bride price was reduced to One Hundred and Twenty Naira (N120) ONLY which is equivalent to $0.14.

A great sigh of relief overwhelmed us all especially the groom family. This agreed bride price was thereafter paid by the groom and it was equally received by parents and elders of the bride. Prayers were offered and the bride was picked up by the groom at her parent’s side. The merry began as the newly traditionally wed couple shared drinks and vows. A little after the urhobo traditional marriage, the Yoruba engagement was held which was brief however, not void of the groom and friends prostrating flat as a sign of request for the bride. Quite interesting as I must say, monies were sprayed, foods were served and a little dance session was conducted.

DISCUSSION
I believe inter-tribal marriage should be encouraged so as to help increase the bond existing in the more than 350 tribes in Nigeria. Inter-tribal unions foster peace, tolerance and kinship. Marriage insecurity has prevented parents from permitting their children from marrying partners from other tribes. A lot of inter-marriages would end up with English as preferred language in the home (this scares parents a lot as they cherish their grandchildren speaking their own languages). Inter-tribal marriages give room for travels, adventures and an opportunity to integrate into the culture of the partner. Some parents have argued the loss of their children to other tribes and communities as they considered them lost to the other tribe (most especially when the bride has to go live with the groom). I may be wrong, the ladies also feel safer to marry men from their own tribes (I would not blame them much) as the need to have a recue close by in marriages cannot be over-emphasized.
I will put a stop here and you can share with us, your thoughts and experiences on inter-tribal or intra-tribal marriages.

Enjoy the week ahead🤗.