An easy way to learn to speak up rather than die in silence 🤐🤫🤐

About two weeks ago, a lady friend of mine opened up after a little pressure from me. She is under thirty years old and a very beautiful lady with a lovely heart. She had complained of some throbbing headaches with poor sleep prior to then, and I had advised her to have her blood pressure checked even though she is a nurse. She reverted to a moderate BP, which was not encouraging, especially for her age. I was worried when I could not reach her a week later, as she was not picking up. Eventually I spoke with a friend of hers who called her mom, and eventually she reverted back to me, stating she was admitted during the period I was trying to reach her.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, and she disclosed to me that the only reason she had not committed suicide was because of her mom, who had labored over her. I was shocked and worried when I heard this and asked if her best friend, whom I reached out to earlier, was aware of what she was going through, and she replied with a "NO". I asked her if she had spoken to anyone about what she was going through, and the response was as before. She claimed to be depressed because life was not going the way she planned. She did not give me details, but for any reason that made her consider suicide, it was certainly severe.

The mind is a vast space of thoughts, mostly noisy from life's troubles and, at times, distracted by things that give us pleasure, so we do not wallow in what weighs us down. No man is free from troubling thoughts, but we are encouraged to discipline our minds from dwelling on thoughts that would dampen our spirits and morale. People manage these troubling thoughts in various manners; the way I can handle a situation is likely to be different from the way you can handle yours, albeit in the same situation. This could be influenced by age, experience, mindset, etc.

The human mind is quite tricky, as we tend to brood over concerns almost unconsciously, making frantic efforts to get problems solved even when they do not concern us directly. Our minds are untapped, perhaps in virgin fields where all sorts of thoughts are dropped like seedlings; we could thus nurture them to fruition or starve them to death. I will focus more on troubling thoughts than positive thoughts. When troubling thoughts are heavy on our minds, the follow-up symptoms can be anxiety and headaches.

Our initial problem-solving skill would be to find the solution from within, and when we are unable to get the solution, we may then opt for it without. The male gender is particularly known for keeping problems to themselves, probably because they want to 'MAN IT UP' as a sign of strength and not look weak to friends and relatives, children, or the female gender. Women have equally become reserved when it comes to bothersome issues, probably because their fellow genders may have broadcast that which was disclosed in confidence. There are many reasons why people hold on to troubling issues and do not speak up. I got to know a man who died not too long ago, and two different women showed up with kids claiming to belong to the deceased. The resemblance was enough proof of the father-child relationship. This was a secret he kept to his grave until the children out of wedlock showed up. Perhaps a lady was raped or a boy was abused by an aunt and has developed some inappropriate behaviors as regards the other gender? Speaking up can be therapeutic!

We should then concern ourselves with why people do not speak up when faced with challenges. A little dive, perhaps, should do some justice.

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A.) Fear of condemnation
Victims of troubling thoughts usually prefer to keep their worries to themselves, perhaps fearing condemnation from loved ones or friends. There's the thought that people might judge or condemn them for having made mistakes in the course of arriving at such situations or while seeking help. People in this condition can make do with strangers, online or physical therapists that are specialized in handling such situations.

B.) Fear of stigmatization
You are right; people may want to point fingers at a victim of troubling thoughts. Perhaps the victim was raped and eventually disclosed her ordeal to a few people so she could hear whispers or direct verbal stigmatization from people she never mentioned it to. Some people may feel that speaking to people they know would make those people see them in a different light. Perhaps trusted friends and strangers can be beneficial.

C.) No solution
We may have heard the saying that a problem shared is half solved; however, this does not translate literally to the listener giving you the solution; rather, you, the revealer, would feel a heavy burden lifted from you, and perhaps the listener may profess probable solutions. Those with troubling thoughts would prefer to share problems with people that they think would have solutions rather than with people who would only listen and have no positive answers to their ordeals.

Let me mention a few tips to help our mental health as regards speaking up.

A. IDENTIFICATION OF TROUBLING THOUGHTS
Victims need to understand and accept that these troubling thoughts exist and can also be a cause of mental disorders if not addressed. Many people get carried away by life's troubles and forget to carefully analyze and understand the troubling thoughts that are affecting their health. It is vital to identify these thoughts and challenges and map out possible solutions or distractions.

B. SPEAKING UP AND SEEKING HELP
Speaking up about what we go through takes a lot of courage. Here, we should know that we do not have to speak to just anyone. We should identify people that we can open up to, that we would not feel ashamed of, and that can possibly offer solutions. Such people can include, but are not limited to, parents and relatives, friends, religious leaders, therapists, strangers, etc. Most often, people we confide in are limited and should be able to support us rather than just pitying our conditions. It would be unwise to open up to people we know cannot keep secrets or who do not genuinely care about us.

C. ACCEPTANCE AND DISTRACTIONS
I am tempted to put both points together. We may get to the point where we have to accept that the problem is beyond our capacity to solve it. In such situations, it is wise to accept our limitations when we have exhausted all possible solutions and will probably find distractions such as walkouts, music, movies, content creations, games, etc. These options do not necessarily take away the problem, but they do help our minds to clear away from the problems and have a clear ground for new thoughts and ideas. Sleep may help, and occasionally, a medical practitioner may prescribe some anxiolytics or hypnotic medications.

D. STAYING POSITIVE
This is one great attribute we must imbibe. Troubles and troubling thoughts would come out, but we must discipline our minds to stay positive. We are not superheroes and cannot solve all of life's problems. We should accept this understanding and not worry ourselves over every problem or challenge that comes our way. When we let our minds accept every troubling thought, we become weaker and unable to handle even the little problems. We should learn to say NO to some offers or problems, understanding that life is precious, but living a healthy life through having a sound mind is much more vital.

I know you will have our contributions, and I would love to read them. Thank you for reading.