I feel like I'm constantly living in a dream, because I have no idea what will happen with my life in the future. And honestly, I'm scared. I'm really-really scared.
Sure, I have semi-good grades, I have a few great friends, I have a loving family and even a cat! What more could you want from life, right?
But, in reality, I'm terribly scared of what will happen in the future. I am studying a subject that, in my eyes, doesn't have a lot of outings in real life. My mother tongue, Estonian, why? Because I like it. But merely liking the subject doesn't even come close to finding a job.
I miss the good old days, when every person just had a T-shaped life - they were really good at one thing, but mediocre in everything else.
And here am I. I feel like a straight line. ----------------------
Not that I'm good at everything, far from it.
I am mediocre at everything.
And that makes me sad.
Hence the reason why I love doing so many things at once. I'm interested in web development, programming, languages, music, arts etc. But that all simply becomes a wide array of things, from which it is really tough to pick one thing I even might relatively be good at. Maybe it's just impostor syndrome, but maybe it isn't. What if it isn't.
This world of uncertainty is slowly driving me crazy. I am still searching for that one thing I might someday be good at. And I hope I find it soon. Because otherwise, I might just delve into the worlds of depression and just stay inside, playing Minecraft all day. That's just what I do. The way I roll.
On the other hand, I know exactly that I do not want the answers to everything in the world. Because that would simply make me anxious to succeed. Or fail. Whichever it might be. I am leaving opportunities for alternatives in my life, but sometimes it just gets really overwhelming.