I twiddled my thumbs and blinked thrice in succession, hoping it was all a bad dream. I’m sure I pinched myself discreetly. Quite hard in fact and I almost yelped.
Yep. Definitely not dreaming.
It was all real.
“You did it and there’s nothing we can do but kick you out of this establishment.”
My ears began to ring. I wrinkled my fingers further in my lap and mentally forced my hands not to inflict any more injuries on my body in the name of ensuring that this wasn’t a dream.
It was really happening.
I was getting expelled.
For something I didn’t do.
In that moment, the disciplinary panel of six teachers that had been set up by the school’s management to decide my fate vanished. In my mind’s eye, I was alone. And as I sat alone, I began to remember. Every moment that led up to today. Both those that connected and those that did not. I thought of all the signs and instinctive tugs I’d felt in my heart to pull away and I ignored them. And now, I was paying the price.
The price for neglecting my instincts.
And then I remembered a scenario that was almost akin to my current situation. It hit me so suddenly that I nearly clutched my chest at the sheer force of it.
I shook her wildly. “Why are you quiet, Jojo?! Why aren’t you defending yourself??”
She’d kept looking at me with sad eyes even as the police officers began cuffing her. I lost my mind. “Are you crazy? Why can’t you speak? Tell them you didn’t do it. Tell them you’re innocent. For God’s sake don’t let them take you away.” At this point, I knelt and started weeping because Jojo was quiet and she was going silently, silently with the policemen.
With each manhandling and rough treatment from the police officers, I nearly went blind with rage and sorrow.
Even when the fumes from the Police vehicle had me choking and dry heaving, I couldn’t stop the tears that streamed down my cheeks. And I couldn’t stop muttering, “Please Jojo... please.” Over and over again.
She was in trouble with high-ranking people and she’d already turned eighteen so I had the sinking feeling that I would never see my best friend again.
It was exactly thirteen months and I still hadn’t set my eyes on Jojo. But I did hear from her. One single letter that she sent two weeks after she’d been incarcerated. I was forgetting many of the lines in the handwritten letter but I couldn’t forget the last few statements she made.
I know you probably hate me for not defending myself and somehow, I hate myself even more for not speaking up. I hope with all my heart that you never find yourself in a false accusation kind of situation, Sade. But if you did, then you would realize that somehow, even when you know that they are wrong in what they are thinking, you wouldn’t be able to speak up. You wouldn’t be able to say a word as they become the judge and jury and pass a verdict over your head. You will learn then that you are well and truly alone. It is sad. Pathetic even. But it’s true.
I remember clutching the paper into my chest and weeping harder than ever before for the better part of three hours. I proceeded to send a series of letters to her. But even before I got my letters back with the statement, RETURN TO SENDER, I already knew she’d never reach out to me again. Or want to hear from me. Jojo had always had pride. I’d loved her for it then but now I hated it. I hated her too.
“Miss Sade, are you even listening?!” the lady at the end of the table thundered.
My reverie was interrupted and a bitter smile swept my face. How ironical. Living Jojo’s life in the flesh. The panel didn’t take my smile so leniently though.
“Look at the devilish smile on her face,” Mrs. Akpan shuddered. “I’m telling you that expulsion is too good for this one. I know her type. She’ll never change.”
I almost laughed out loud then but I held myself back. Mrs Akpan had always hated my guts. Too bad I won’t be around much to torment her in the ways Jojo and I had planned out long ago. Too sad indeed.
“Do you have anything to say for yourself, Sade?” The man in the middle asked. I looked at Mr. Kaima. His eyes practically begged me to be remorseful. They begged me to apologise. They promised to take this all away if I just said sorry. If I grovelled.
How uplifting...
I sighed. “I do have something to say.”
I saw the hopeful look in the widening of Mr. Kaima’s eyes and I smiled.
“Go on...” he urged.
“I think leaving this school is the best possible thing that can happen to me. Because if you left me here...” I paused for dramatic effect as I took in the collective intake of breath. Satisfied, I continued. “I’d do it all over again.”
I broke into a full grin then as they all gasped in mock horror. Exclamations of disgust and revulsion filled the room but I was not deterred. The look on Mr. Kaima’s face though, I knew I wouldn’t be able to face it. I knew he was trying to save me. I knew he was always trying to save me. Which is why he never let anyone know that he was my father. I doubted they’d have let him chair the disciplinary committee if they knew.
But it didn’t matter, I thought, as I walked out of the room. He had never loved me. There was no reason to start now. I laughed long and hard as I went down the school’s sweeping stairs. Jojo would be so proud of me.
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