Friday
10 A.M. phone alarm goes off, snooze, rings again, snooze, again, snooze, after about 11 more alarms, I don't wake up, but eyes are finally open. Pick up the phone bringing it to my face, 1 eye in the pillow and the other straight at the screen, open it up and the day begins, with the same routine, first things first, social media.
Facebook, there is nothing new, no likes, no comments, seems no one cared to think about me while I was sleeping, or maybe they were also sleeping.I still hoped for a text from this girl I was talking with a few days ago, Miranda, just turned 19, very cute face, nice big lips, you should see it with red lipstick, you'd fall in love with her too.
And guess the best thing, she's into drugs. I don't know why, but a girl pulling me by the shirt into a bathroom stall and pulling out a baggie out of her bra just turns me on, but i am a wierdo so don't judge please, safe space and that politically correct stuff.
Strange how she has a boyfriend and still texted me on Christmas eve to say "Merry Christmas" and we started to speak from there, but was i supposed to do ? i couldn't just ignore her, but nothing today, or yesterday.I even wrote on her wall a "Happy Birthday !!!" text and added a little smiley at the end. I spent about 2 hours to think about that text and figured it all out, 3 exclamation marks, 1 is normal, 2 means nothing special, and 3 is into you, going to 4 is into you but sexually, but that would be weird, at least that is what i saw on the internet.
Instagram, still nothing new, but i continue to check on other people, i see a new video, from this girl, Oariana, strange name i can't imagine what her parents thought, she looks amazing, even better than Miranda, like in a way better body, we are simple animals, no one is attracted to someones soul before even speaking to that person, it's their ass, face and tits, let's be honest with ourselves.
She liked 2 photos of mine on Facebook right after the friend request, and I instantly thought "She must be into me" but of course, i did not write anything because of the usual anxiety.
But this one night i met her, was smoking a cigg outside, she asked for a light, then she asked me if i knew someone, and yeah i did, she is my best friend, then she started to tell me about how fucked up she was at some parties and I didn't really care to hear about that, I must be getting older and wiser, didn't spend very much time with her there.
Not long after i met her again at another place, she asked me for "something" while tapping her nose, i got the sign, and yeah...i had something, so things went down in the stall, nothing sexual mind you ! sadly really...after that we met at her place for an after party, thought i had her there and i'd have some fun that night, but I found out she only wanted me to get drugs, because after getting what she wanted i saw her making out with another guy there that i never saw in my life, left soon after, defeated, beta, fuck. Felt a bit disappointed, but this is nothing new under the sun, so i shrug it off, life is a bitch and she is a bigger one. I can't stand people like her, that want to profit off of, nothing is free in this world, she will find out sooner or later.
Moving on, other people, other stories, scrolling down, i see things i want but can't afford , perfect bodies on men that i cannot achieve without steroids. After checking out how i can get steroids and thinking for the 15th time it's a bad idea i see....1 hour !? i spent 1 hour of my morning on my phone. I hate my phone, i mean, i love it, but i hate how bad you can get hooked on it, worse than my cigarettes.
I get out of bed, take the same old clothes off the floor that i have been wearing in the house for the last few days, they smell a bit, have some stains, but can go on a few more days. Slowly dragging myself to the kitchen to make some coffee, every morning starts with coffee, I say hi to my flat mate like a good person then go back to work on my coffee.
I have strict rules on how i make my coffee, as strong as it can be, or translated, as much coffee as i can fit in the
espresso maker, jet black, no sugar, no milk, the way I like it. Want to know why ? It reminds me of life, how bitter it can be sometimes, but how enlightened you can be towards people and society after those dark moments, just the way coffee wakes you up in the morning.
I sit down, start sipping slowly as it burns my lips and light a cigarette, starting to think about how i should quit smoking before getting cancer because i am dead afraid of it, soon enough, I am tired of spending so much money