Quality rant. I don't think anyone could disagree with what you said. It's a hard pill to swallow but we don't have anything unique to offer to normies. Bragging about immutability and complete ownership to someone that sees value in these perks makes total sense but those people are a minority on the internet.

Different stories need to be told to different types of consumers.

Businesses - You can tap into an already established community

Content creators - Easy monetization and censorship resistance

Artists - Earn crypto instead of likes for your efforts

Gamers - Full in-game asset ownership

ETC...

The only onboarding funnel, as you already mentioned, is gaming and that's the only source of new users I'm looking forward to. Everything else is slow and confusing even for advanced users.