I'm changing my mind. I'm taking it back. I'm done with this.
Years of foolishly believing in this mantra and spreading it around like free candy. I take it all back. And you know what, it's the biggest relief!
Fuck the pressure of "being positive" when all you want to do is cry and scream and feel like shit for a while. There is a reason these horrible and hard to deal with emotions are coming up and I'm done with hippie-glossing over them with smiles and happy songs and sunshine dances and Blabla...
I want to feel all my shit, all my sorrows, all my pain. It's a part of me and telling me something needs to be looked at and reaccessed in my ways. And it's showing me I'm human and vulnerable and fragile and beautiful not just an ever-shiny robot that can light an incense, read a few memes and life is amazing again.
I've blocked so much of my own realness because I wanted so much to believe I can be happy 100% of the time if I just "stay positive".
Learn from my mistake. It doesn't work. All that shit will just keep resurfacing until you accept it and deal with it. And ONLY after this stage can you have access to the real happiness. Suffering is a part of life and you should never make yourself feel bad for being in a down stage. I realise now that a big part of my suffering was the extra sadness and shame I felt for being a sufferer in this moment and not constantly winning at life. Like I felt guilty towards myself for letting myself fall down again... This was not a healthy self-relationship.
From now on my mantra is
Be Real. Be True. Accept what is there. Know that things will get better but don't look away when shit gets ugly. This is where you are most needed.
Love ❤️
