To my experience, when you are content in a situation (or with life as a whole) then for the most part, it no longer challenges you. You are set in your daily routines and moving from one day to the next can become a little monotonous because… very little changes – so there is no need to face your monsters. Everything is very familiar. It is all relatively predictable. Safe if you will.
And so You go about your business with a flippant "smile and a wave"...
So when we decide to, or are forced to step outside of our comfort zone and into an arena of “foreign territory” (possibly meeting new people, starting a new job, relocating to a new town etc.) it is phnemonenal how quickly all the picture perfect little red ribbons on all the boxes can and often d - start to unravel, yet again exposing what had been so carefully and conveniently hidden away. Each and every one of your emotional and mental scars suddenly visible once again…
So, is this good or bad?
Personally, I don’t think anyone can truly say that they really “enjoy” having to acknowledge or “move through” their weaknesses, insecurities or fears because let’s be honest - they don’t exactly make us feel very particularly good about ourselves or a certain situation and will more often than not, evoke some oftenr unpleasant memories - but ignoring them and pretending that because they were so nicely packed away that they don’t actually exist any longer... is surely even worse?
In fact, all this says to me is that “those issues” have not been dealt with, you have not healed in those particular areas of yourself or your life for that matter and they will continue to rear their heads for as long as you choose to ignore them… I have experienced this many times throughout my life and as much as it may not be pleasant to “DEAL WITH IT” – I do not necessarily think it is a bad thing as you are being forced to re-assess and re-evaluate.
Over and above this, you might actually discover that the “result” and/or “reaction” to the situation by you or others, turns out differently to what you have experienced in your past – ultimately re-arranging the way you see and feel about it all… and this, strikes me as particularly constructive!
To give an example… because of several childhood experiences, previous physically, emotionally and verbally abusive relationships which I have exposed myself to as other decisions I have made throughout my life – emotional insecurity is the one thing I have always had to work exceptionally hard at controlling… an aspect of which, is a HUGE fear of loss and also of being hurt or betrayed by the people closest to me. This often insurmountable fear and insecurity truly breeds like a disease when it is afforded the opportunity and freedom to occupy space in your mind – normally resulting in what we are all familiar with as the “green demon” – yes, jealousy!
Whilst I have learned to curb this much more appropriately as I have gotten older, I am still faced with it from time to time...
For whatever reason, I seem to be able to “remove myself” from issues somewhat, which allows me to see solutions, so having done that often and realising where the moments of fear and insecurity root from, I have learned to look at what is required in order to calm myself and rid myself of such feelings… and this is a massive REASSURANCE - so that is what I will generally seek. Not always in the most ideal manner, but hey… you live and learn right... lol
Over time, I have learnt to communicate this to those who are close to me. So when they encounter me reacting in a certain manner to a specific situation, they now know that it would be a lot more helpful if they were to… instead of “REACTING” to my insecurities negatively, be the complete opposite and offer me reassurance. This is a calming factor and silences those wild and infectious thought processes - it also teaches me the art of acknowledging the feelings I am experiencing but then how to let go of them, rather than letting them fester to a point of eruption.
Nowadays, I have actually been fortunate enough to have such company that I do not even need to explain such things... it has just been naturally "perceived" and then simply dealt with in the most positive way which therefore eradicates the negative and brings about a much more positive "me" at the end of it all... :) The people that truly care about us are always ready and willing to support you... but many times, insecurity does not afford the confidence to ask this of them. It is an especially beautiful instance then, when you don't actually have to. They simply do it - because they "understand".
Things I have experienced in the past are no longer the same... The fears I have developed throughout my life, of being physically hurt, verbally abused, neglected or discarded are slowly starting to lose their grip on me, every time I am forced to face that type of situation and I am shown that the ending does not need to be the same as it was before.
So in that respect, I think that whilst it may not always be a comfortable, convenient or pleasant thing to have to experience those emotions and/or thoughts again, (for me or those around you)... especially if you have packed them away so nicely for a VERY long time – it is HUGELY beneficial to your psychological and emotional healing process.
So... scary as it may be, the next time you are faced with a situation that places you in a state of fear, try relaying the “context” of the reaction and emotion to either yourself or to the other/s involved and you will most likely find that in their understanding of it, you will gain a very different result to what you have become accustomed to – therefore triggering a very different emotion within – one which is no longer fearful.
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
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