“The dance between darkness and light will always remain— the stars and the moon will always need the darkness to be seen, the darkness will just not be worth having without the moon and the stars.” - C. JoyBell C.
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“All shadows of clouds the sun cannot hide, like the moon cannot stop oceanic tide; but a hidden star can still be smiling at night's black spell on darkness, beguiling” ― Munia Khan
I was asked recently if I have a “dark side”…
Well, my initial reaction was “is that a trick question?”
What exactly does a question like that mean –
and what sort of answer is expected?
Do I go out at night and sacrifice little kittens to a dark lord? No.
Do I plot people’s murders like Dexter? No.
(Ok maybe sometimes… but you would have to annoy me a great deal first lol)
And Dexter is still the SUPER HERO of serial killers in my mind lol...
I suppose there are many angles to view a question like that
and personally, I think everything in life is about balance,
so effectively then, we ALL have a little of both or a lot of one –
perhaps some of us just actively engage in the one more than the other,
making the "swing" heavier in one direction or the other.
If I were to look at my past,
I would say that I probably explored
a little more than many - with both sides of the scale,
and probably leaning more towards the darker side of things...
I have dated two people in my life that have considered themselves Satanists. The first being nothing more than a confused youngster in my opinion lol (although still an eye-opener), but the latter of the two - still to this day takes it quite seriously... like Alistair Crowley seriously... It was his "religion", his passion and there was no getting beyond that. – to be frank, he is indeed a VERY dark individual and despite the magnetism and intrigue felt by this Gemini woman, much of what I was exposed to throughout the time that we were together was disturbing to say the least. I dated him for two years and as much as I found certain attributes of his character and practices quite enticing… at the end of the day, I really felt that it completely went against my natural grain.
During this time, I met people from ALL walks of life and explored all KINDS of "things" - things that most people would never even imagine happening in a "real world" - unless of course the real world actually comprised of living, breathing, walking, talking vampires and the like...
Does it? Well, what I experienced came pretty damn close... excluding the eternal life part... although that too is a debatable facet. lol - either way...
Try and try as I did, to accept that side of him or embrace that part of his life, I eventually realised that I was lying to myself. I may be intrigued by mystery and certain things that are a little “darker” but they are most definitely not who I am. I am UNQUESTIONABLY more of a sunshine kinda gal! lol - In fact I think what I struggled with the most in that situation was the looming reality that at some point I would be faced with having to explain "this" to my son and I simply knew in my heart that I could NEVER do that, nor could I accept that for him growing up, no matter HOW much I may have been fascinated by the person himself. And so, naturally – that was the end of that.
I require a little more balance...
Being in that relationship however, did teach me a lot… I realised that excessive darkness, as consuming as it may be, is exceptionally depleting! Dating someone like that was exceptionally draining both mentally and emotionally. He was unable to “lift himself up” when he hit rock bottom and I became like an “energy supply” to him. He actually NEEDED me there for that - and admitted on many occasion that he found that his energy levels literally dropped when I wasn’t around and that whatever little enthusiasm he did in fact feel for life, disappeared. This became problematic as I eventually began suggesting possible alternatives to “life and belief” choices – naturally that was met with MUCH resistance and was futile.
It became clear to me after some time in that situation that someone completely consumed by darkness, was a lot more needy than someone who filled their life with light. (Yes, it may seem like a no-brainer, but things like this are not ALWAYS black and white) - I was just not prepared to explore the levels of darkness that he was. Yes, I have my levels and they probably exceed the "average persons" but I have my boundaries for balance too...
It was again, only after I left that situation that I realised just how TAXING it had been on me to be around such a dark individual all the time. There was NO BALANCE! None!
So, going back to the question – yes, I suppose I do have a dark side, but through much exploration in my life, and the understanding that there are two sides to everyone and everything, I have no uncertainty as to which side of the scales I lean – and that is without question, the happy go lucky one. Lol!
“When the Sun of compassion arises darkness evaporates and the singing birds come from nowhere.” - Amit Ray
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
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