This is something I have wondered about all of my life. Why do we hold back? Why do we not take more chances? Why don’t we believe we can do amazing things?
Source: Pixabay
There are many factors that shape us, of course, such as our genetics, our friends and schools and sports, activities we get involved in, how we were raised, and whether we felt nurtured along the way into becoming who we were meant to be.
I don’t blame my parents for the fact that I am not some super achiever in life, but any sane person probably would. They were emotionally unavailable people who believed we needed to do and be certain things, all of which were constructs of their choosing. They didn’t ever utter the words “good job” or “I love you.” When I played varsity soccer, they weren’t among the parents in the stands. (Yes I made the mistake of looking for them almost every time.)
They meant well. And I did know I was loved. But wow, could I have used some encouragement. I was a fundamentally shy, backward, insecure young person, with a stutter. You would never know it now, because I overcame those things over time, all on my own.
But what might it have taken for a person like me to be truly confident and amazing at life? I think it only takes a boost and a breakthrough here and there. Especially once you realize, if you’re like me, that however you started is behind you and you get to choose your path. That’s what I want to talk about.
Do you know what we can accomplish by looking backward and wishing for a different upbringing? Exactly zero. That’s right. Nothing. Nada. Zip.
Looking forward, however, and imaging a better life or a different experience, and working toward becoming a person that you are personally proud to be? That’s actually fruitful.
It's also great to just step out beyond that perceived border around you that limits your choices and experiences.
Let’s say someone gives you an opportunity to try something, and you think: “Um, well, I’m a little uncomfortable just *thinking *about it. That probably means I shouldn’t actually do it.”
Well, maybe you should. Maybe doing something that feels scary and uncomfortable is exactly what you need in order to believe you can do things that involve unknowns.
What if you just went ahead and gave it a try? I’ll give you an example. I was once in a relationship with a guy who was a huge outdoor and bicycling enthusiast. He told me he was particularly fond of an event called a Double Century.
I was all, “A what?”
He proceeded to tell me that he was going to start training for the next one, and I should too. It was a really fun event - a bicycling event that took all day… and the reason for that was because… it was a 200 mile ride.
I said no. No way. I was not going to ride a bike 200 miles in one day. No, not soon, not ever. No.
So he made me do a few 30 miles rides, since he was training and it was something we could do together. Then we did some 50 mile rides. After that it was 60, which naturally led to 75 and then 100.
By the time I rode 100 miles in a day, I thought maybe, just maybe, I could do it. So I signed up for the Double Century event.
After that, we continued training. Mostly we did 100-125 mile rides. You’d think that you have to ride 200 miles in one day to train for an event where you have to ride 200 miles in one day, but you don’t. You have to do really really long rides, so you know you’re capable of it. And you fix some things along the way, like your saddle or how you pack water, and how you fuel along the way so you don’t “bonk.” (That was our word for hitting the wall where your energy is just totally gone and you sometimes have to actually call someone to come and pick you up. Totally embarrassing.)
Source: Pixabay
To make a long story just a little bit longer, I will tell you that yes, I rode the Double Century. We started at 5:30 in the morning, rode all day, and were done about 12 hours later. I did it! And it didn't kill me. It was just more difficult by a hard-to-describe margin than my training rides. Wow, getting off a bike never felt so good! And food was never so delicious.
That’s not the whole story, though. I rode it again the next year. And the year after that. So I actually rode 200 miles in one day three times.
I never would have imagined, in my wildest dreams, that I could have achieved such a thing. And yet I did. How? I received some encouragement. I started envisioning that reality. I had a person who believed I could do it, and he didn’t just shrug and let me off the hook when I said no. He was persistent in pushing me to try something more challenging than I thought I could manage.
Ultimately, that relationship wasn’t right for me, and I have more stories to tell about that another time. But I will forever be grateful to him, because I learned how to push past my comfort level. I had those experiences and they were amazing.
I can’t tell you what you are capable of. No one can. However, it’s probably far more than you think. And you won’t know unless you give it a try.
The Alliance: Join us in the Castle
