Hello Everyone!
Explaining the moodiness, Time is running short, The land scouting report & A timber rattler's demise!
Alright, I am starting my writing routine a few minutes early tonight... even though I kind of want to keep staring off into space for a little while longer. On the days that I have been productive it seems like the thirty-odd minutes between when I finish my daily activities... and begin the writing... is the most peaceful time of the day for me... so yeah it makes sense why I have been running late more often than not.
Late last night, I got the email that I had been waiting for (along with some pictures and a video) in regards to the land scouting done by those folks on my behalf... and what I learned kept me up well into the wee hours of the morning overthinking everything. I am sure that I will get to spelling all that out eventually... but suffice it to say that I had a heck of a time falling asleep and wound up sleeping in a bit to boot.
In all reality I only got six hours of sleep and did not oversleep that much... but I sure felt 'grainy eyed' when I awoke this morning and more than a bit dull witted when I began my Hive engagement routine. Today, I even made some real effort with my engagement (instead of just reading and voting) but whoa it was a challenge to do so given how out of sorts that I was feeling.
I know that folks have no way to truly grasp what all I have been grappling with... and while I have not even come close to spelling most of it out in these entries... at some point I may need to spell it out one way or another to rid myself of it all. In short, please understand that I have been doing my utmost to not be verbally combative nor feel alienated... which yeah are some character flaws of mine that I have made tremendous strides with over the previous seven years... and are also the two main things that I had hoped to 'cure' when I began sharing my writing all those years ago.
The thing is though... is that I have been under tremendous amounts of stress for far too long... and although the scenario has assuredly not 'broken' me it has absolutely caused plenty of damned cracks within my personal... and even interpersonal world. There is also the fact that all I have tried to do over the last many many many years is have a place to call home... and not have to frigging move again.
Not to reiterate the past... because there are two thousand six hundred and twenty-seven days (not that I am counting) in which I spell out my life... or have documented it in some way... so if folks want the 'back story' then they can dig for it themselves. Suffice it to say that in each iteration of me thinking I had a home... I put in tremendous amounts of work, effort and resources all for naught.
The reason that all of that is significant in this moment... is because I have a little over six weeks remaining where I currently am... and given the amount of effort that I have put into the place... having to part with it... and wind up in a fucking tent (and start from scratch) again just rubs me the wrong damned way. Sure it is awesome that the next place is a piece of land that I actually own... but that kind of 'silver lining thinking' does not do anything to make me feel better about any of it... nor does it make the feelings/thoughts that are causing me internal friction to simply vanish.
Another reality to the whole scenario is that I will not have any kind of conveniences (like running water, electricity or probably even internet connectivity) and the idea of abruptly having to stop sharing my life in these entries... is horrendous to me. My long-term readers are well aware of how therapeutic that I find making these entries... and while I can assuredly 'make it' without them... I not only lose my primary therapy tool... but I also lose my meager income to boot.
I could go on ad infinitum about the intricacies of the challenges that I am facing... and the stark reality of knowing that unlike many times before... I am in no way shape or form in the kind of headspace that I need to be in to start from scratch at a new place. Believe me (or not) but I damn well know myself well enough to know what I am 'in shape' for... and how I will respond to certain hardships... and yeah no amount of 'positive thinking' (or gods damned well-intending platitudes) is going to change that.
Anyways, I should get to the 'meat' of what I learned from the scouting mission... and not get too caught up in all that internal landscape jazz... or I will get lost down one rabbit hole after another... expecting folks to understand things they are probably incapable of understanding in the first place. Perhaps a few folks have lived this kind of lifestyle... and faced some of the challenges that I am alluding to... but overall I know that most folks have not... and I should not hold it against them for living a more domesticated and sedentary lifestyle.
To be brief, most of what I thought that I knew about the land was wrong... which I was aware of the potential of and hence the scouting mission... so it is not like it was all super surprising or anything. Essentially though, the place is one continuous slope (not a hill like I thought it was) and the shed, the driveway, the electric pole, the fiber optic stub out and the flat spot... are all on a neighboring property... which in and of itself means that I have to massively rethink my plans.
There is a sort of small 'driveway' at the top of the slope... but it is more or less just a place on the edge of the road that is 'kind of flat' but not really suitable for vehicles... nor far enough off the road to camp at. The 'driveway' leads into a low spot that is semi-flat... but the ground is soft and it is in the middle of a swale where the water runoff from the road goes.
The swale itself seems to terminate into a winding path that traverses the property (heading downhill) which is most likely a path created by the water itself... and perhaps humans and/or wildlife. There was some miscommunication on my part (given that I thought the peak of the property was near its center) so I have to wait to hear back on the details of what the center of the place is like... but I think that if there was anywhere to camp (or a flat spot) along said path then it would have been mentioned to me in the initial report.
One thing that I did learn is that the trees are very thick... but not really in a good way because it looks like a very unhealthy forest... which is all too common in places like that which have been previously logged. The 'health of the forest' is not super vital at this juncture to me... but in order to clear any kind of area (to camp at) even if it is not on flat ground... will take a tremendous amount of work.
There are also a bunch of slash pines mixed in with all the hardwoods... and whoa they look like they are growing like frigging weeds on the place... so I anticipate dealing with getting a lot of pine sap all over me (and my tools) to boot. In other words the whole scenario seems like it is going to take way more work than I anticipated just to have somewhere to camp... and anyone thinking that I should camp by the road (in the quote unquote driveway) with my dogs, chickens and gear has no damned clue what the hell they are talking about.
On the bright side of things, there is a public spring (that even has the water routinely tested) not all that many miles away... so getting clean drinking water will not be all that difficult. It sure beats having to buy bottled water... or having to drink the chlorinated and fluorinated recycled sewage water that most municipalities provide to folks in the form of city or county water.
Okay, I could go on more there about what I learned about the place... but for now that is the most important stuff... and I need to at least spell out what my day entailed before the hour grows too much later. It has been a hell of a wonky day and at one point (much earlier today) I even called one of my close friends just to share my concerns... and wound up talking their ear off for the better part of an hour.
Since I was going a bit stir crazy (after being cooped up the last few days) I decided to wash more of those buckets today... and of course in so doing I would also want/need to get a bath afterwards. So as always I set about getting the sump pump and the extension cord all setup to pump the water from the tub... so that I could empty it out and wash it out afterwards... because I had been washing socks in the water that I left in it after my last bath.
Now keep in mind here that I have been using this 'water feature' tub for many years (as a bathtub) and I have the whole process of emptying it, washing it and refilling it down to a science. That said, the one thing that I am always cautious about is when there is just a little water left in it (once the pump has done its job) and it is time to turn the tub on end... and pour the remaining water out.
The reason that I am cautious (and always have been when doing that part of things) is that it is a black plastic tub... that sits in the sun all day... and always thus warmer than anything else around... and snakes frigging love stuff like that. Today though, when I was just about to flip it on end I had this certainty in my gut that there was not only a snake under it... but that there was a venomous snake under it.
I am not the kind of fella that either writes off nor overly embraces such 'gut feelings' but I damn sure always acknowledge them when I have them... and whoa when I turned that tub on end... and saw a coiled up timber rattler... I was both astounded and like 'yup you called it' at the same time. The weird thing was though is that in the brief half a second it took me to see the rattle at the end of its tail and lower the tub back over it... I realized something was a bit off with what I was seeing... and it was not just because it was not rattling or rearing its head.
Long story short (or short story long) I rounded the dogs up rather quickly, got them in the cabin, grabbed my phone (for a picture) and got my trusty Hatsan twenty-two caliber air rifle for good measure. I mean I had a feeling that the snake was already dead (from that brief look) but I did not want to take any chances... especially since I always follow the motto of 'for the one I do see there might be another one I have not seen nearby' or words to that effect.
Once I was back at the tub (with the rifle in the crook of my arm) I flipped the tub over... and was careful to make sure that it stayed between me and the snake when I did so. The snake had not moved at all so that kind of confirmed it was dead... and I set the rifle aside to get a picture of it... before slipping the phone in my pocket, shouldering the rifle and shooting it through the center of its head just for good measure.
After digging a deep hole for it near the compost mound (outside the dog yard) I briefly considered cutting off its rattle (it had four and a half buttons on it) but decided against it... and just buried the entire thing before packing the hole full again. Generally speaking I like to put a rock over venomous snakes (to keep dogs from digging them up and being harmed) but lacking any rocks... I just packed the clay in tightly and called it good enough.
Now there are several things that I considered about just how that snake became to be dead under the tub like that... and although I initially thought it had been caught by that last freeze... I later realized that it had not gotten below freezing since the last time that I took a bath late last week. Which of course does not discount it having died of natural causes... but I think something a bit creepier actually happened.
I think that one of two things happened... and basically they amount to the same thing as to how the snake met its demise. Late last week when I emptied the tub and was in the process of refilling it with hot water (to get a bath) I think that the snake went under it... before there was all that much water in the tub.
What happened next is either the weight of the water as the tub filled (perhaps combined with the one hundred and forty degree Fahrenheit hot water) killed it by pinning and crushing it. Or the snake was alive and well up until the moment that I crawled in the tub... and my added weight crushed it... and yeah either damned way there was just that eighth of an inch of plastic between me and it!
To say that the whole experience (of finding the snake) gave me a bit of a 'reality check' would be an understatement especially since it is the very first venomous snake that I have seen here. Like I have said before there has been several new neighbors... and lots of brush cutting (land clearing) going on nearby all winter... and I would not be all that surprised if it (and other snakes) are moving into new areas due to it all after awakening from their brumation period.
No matter what the cause I need to just keep remaining extra alert... and especially so since I still have so much stuff to sort through, dismantle... and shuffle around before the move. I am also going to pull everything that I have staged on the top of the lumber rack (in the shop tent) down... so that there is nothing above 'eye level' because yeah reaching up there blindly could be disastrous.
Well, I have rambled on enough for one evening... and although this is going to be a mess to get edited... the sooner that I start the process the sooner that I will finish it! I hope that everyone is doing well... and that their morale is good enough to not only bolster them through the hard times... but also to help them be capable of enjoying the good times. Ta ta for now.
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