I’m feelin good damn,
I’m feelin so fine.
I’m living on a cloud above an island in my mind,
Oh baby don’t be alarmed this is just my vibe.
No need to walk around,
No it’s not too bad to climb.
Late one afternoon Simon and Tracy were in the kitchen. Simon ate bananas while Tracy cooked those chicken things with the bacon held around them with toothpicks. The toothpicks are like little magic wands that meld the power of foul and pork to create delicious bundles of taste power. They looked amazing to Simon as he was just coming off an 18 hour fast and had only eaten a couple of bowl of lentils. He desperately wanted to devour the rest of his fruit cairn – which consisted of a dozen bananas and a paw-paw piled on top of one another. He also craved a pile of fried eggs with garam-masala sweet potato chips. But all that would have to wait.
He had to talk about magic first though. For the last couple of nights something had been coming for him in the night watches. Luckily a friend to the South had used her keen sight to see the threat and had poured her energy into a protection spell to keep Simon safe.
As they ate Tracy told Simon about what she could feel. She told Simon about their mutual friend to the South and the protection work she had done for the Druid.
Later on, in the day, Simon called his friend as he sat by the river. He was in between rock climbing and going to work and had come to hang his feet in the river to cool off. As he sat and they spoke, a school of fish came and swam about his feet. A baby eel swam by at one point; it danced in the eddies made by the current as it slowly but surely drifted by his trusty appendages. The river still ran high from the deluge a few months previous.
The conversation ranged wide but had a narrow focus. Protection spells, waterfalls, dragonflies, the shadow, balance. By the end of the call Simon had a plan for what he should do next.
That night he cast the protection spell he had learnt by the river. He astral-travelled to his waterfall and spoke to the animals there. They agreed to help and showed him how to put on his first layer of armour. It was tough. It allowed enough freedom of movement to navigate the world while affording a reasonable degree of protection. It was also roomy enough inside that Simon could retreat into it if necessary.
That night he dreamed.
In the dream Simon was moving from room to room in a giant building. The first room was a reception area/waiting room. When Simon entered the building there was a young lady – the receptionist – standing on a chair and fixing balloons to the ceiling with sticky tape. She was reaching up high and had one foot on the seat, while the other was reaching up for the backrest. As her foot came down, she started to topple forward, but Simon got there in the nick of time and steadied the chair, stopping her from falling.
She finished the work and looked down. She wasn’t surprised to see someone there, as she had felt that someone was there steadying the chair for her. Simon didn’t know why he was there. He was lost and had stopped at the building to ask directions.
‘You must be Simon.’
“Yeah. uh.. how did you know?’
“You’re here for the party.’ she bent down to pick up another balloon.
‘What party?’
‘Out there. They’re waiting for you.’ She placed her foot on the backrest and stuck another balloon to the ceiling.
‘Which way?’ Simon turned around slightly and made as if to motion to one of the rooms behind him.
She pointed ‘That one. It’s okay. You don’t need to hold it anymore.’
Simon instinctively knew then that even though the chair was at an impossible angle it would rest there, on his intention. He stepped away.
‘Thank you.’
‘No worries.’ she winked at him ‘See you later.’ She blows him a kiss.
Simon steps through the door.
The room is full of rugby union players. A big boofhead with his ears taped to the sides of his head.
‘Next room through mate.’ He turns back to his friend and cracks a can of VB.
Simon goes through the next room, but doesn’t see anyone he recognises. He goes through another room. And another. And another.
There were different people in each room. They were all learning about things. There was a different lesson in every room. In some rooms people would leave with Simon as he went into a new room. Sometimes they would stay in that new room. Other times they would accompany him to the next one and maybe even the one after that.
At times it felt like something was stalking him just out of sight. Simon would have to move through a bunch of different rooms randomly. Trying to shake the thing. After seven or so room changes it would lose his scent and wander off to some other part of the building. Either forgetting about him or trying to sniff out some other prey.
He saw his friend Marcy a couple of times. She was with him through room changes twice. There was a time when they were all but inseparable, but they hadn’t spoken for a few years. Simon enjoyed seeing her in his dreams.
Eventually the journey was finished. Simon saw his friend from the South. She had been a lector priest in Aswan many lives ago. She was drinking a cup of tea at her lounge room table. The sun was rising over her right shoulder through the gap in the lemon myrtle tree outside the kitchen window. Across the table from Simon was a steaming coffee. It was black with honey and Lion’s-mane. Just the way he liked it.
The two friends sat and spoke.
“You need to spend more time doing magic.”
“What type? What should I be doing with it?”
“That’s for you to figure out. I can’t tell you that. You need to spend more time on nature too, but you already knew that.”
“I already do heaps. Nearly every weekend. I have a job though.”
“Come on now. If you harness your power you won’t need to work.” she smiled over her tea as she took a sip. Simon was staring a hole through his coffee as he tried to reconcile the dilemma. He had commitments. Bills. Expectations. But also, relationships, with a lot of people who like to see him at work. Would he be leaving all that behind if he embraced the life of magic that was growing around him? Simon looked in the direction of the rising sun. The lounge room was next to a river now. The sun light was not as bright, as they were in the jungle. The electric light over the table came on, illuminating the conversational partners. In the next second they were on a barge floating along the Nile.
“Just spend more time in the wild places. Strengthen your connection to the spirits that live there. Whatever ones want to help you.’ Simon nodded in reply.
Simon awoke. He felt good.
“The Gemara asks: And initially, before the destruction of the Temple, who would teach the schoolchildren?
The Gemara answers: If you wish, say that the angel Metatron would teach them, and if you wish, say instead the He would do both this, sport with the Leviathan, and that, teach the schoolchildren;
whereas after the destruction of the Temple in the fourth period of the day He only teaches the schoolchildren.”
When Simon had travelled South with his father, he had been learning about Kabalah. He had just begun to grasp those fibres which are common to all religions and which become more apparent as you travel the mystic path.
He wanted to develop his magical power, but didn’t know how. As it was around Christmas time he was a bit short on cash – as he always was around Christmas time. He thought it might be a good idea to perform a money magic spell. He selected one and he performed the ritual as prescribed.
It worked and Simon met Metatron. The angel said he liked the book idea that Simon was developing and that if he wanted to make a little extra money he should publish his book as a series of short eBooks rather than waiting until the work was finished and publishing them all at once.
Simon elected not to follow this advice. He felt that to publish the book with a profit motivation would be sacrilegious. After all we are allowed to seek guidance form the divine, but we don’t have to follow it. He did elect to follow one of Metatron’s suggestions which ended up becoming central to the way the journey unfolded. Metatron asked Simon to break one of the cardinal rules of mysticism. He was to reveal the names of the deities he communed with. Ordinarily this information is to remain secret, as if it is discovered by a powerful adversary such knowledge can be used to bring a magic user low.
Simon shared his feelings of reluctance to do as Metatron asked and in reply Metatron explained that Simon was to use his journey to show the world that magic is real. That Gods and Angels and Demons do exist. Metatron could see that Simon was nervous. He took his hand and together they walked into the light.
Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age.
Also, he made him a tunic of many colours …
So, they took Joseph’s tunic, killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the tunic in the blood.
“Fintan mac Bochra, a descendant of Noah, travelled to Ireland after the deluge.
He took refuge from the flood by transforming himself into a salmon, he lived as an eagle and a blue-eyed falcon too.”
The Druid had hiked to the base of the falls in just a few hours. He walked bare foot to strengthen his connection to the mother earth Goddesses. When he reached the threshold of the guardian, he made an appropriate offering and asked the permission of the Traditional Owners, Spirits and Other Inhabitants to traverse the path ahead. The answer was in the affirmative, but with a touch of malice. As he walked the path he tentatively queried as to why the creek seemed so distant and cold. This was an unusual feeling for the Druid. He was accustomed to being greeted with cheerful alacrity by the spirits of the forests and water sources he frequented. The creek told him it was angry at the way people were treating the earth. It was angry that its space was not given the appropriate respect. It did not like him being there because he was a man and this was a place of woman’s business, but it begrudgingly accepted his presence because he was a Druid and there was a good reason for his being there.
He had planned to go for a swim in one of the pools at the base of the falls. But when he asked permission the spirit of the waterfall said no. It explained to him that this was a place people swam when they were ready to die. So, he did not swim there.
After he set up his tent and sleeping bag the Druid ate dinner. Under the light of a torch he read the last story in the book of Genesis. Even though he failed to appreciate the significance of the story it resonated deeply within him and he knew that the secret of Joseph and his coat of many colours and how that applied to his own life would soon be revealed.
The drumming circle had been cancelled that week, but Simon hadn’t checked his Lifelog account that day and did not know. He turned up at the Shaman’s house much to the surprise of the Shaman, although deep down, he was expecting a visit.
An antique show was on and the valuer was discussing a set of three stag sculptures. One laying down, one standing and one running. Simon didn’t particularly like those antique shows – not that he really liked any TV shows at that time in his life – but he noticed the stags and their beautiful carved antlers.
Instead of doing the usual journeying to the upper and lower realms the Shaman decided that they should do a divination. The Shaman had recently been gifted a set of cards. Each card bore an image of a deity, there were Greek, Celtic and Egyptian Gods; among others. The Shaman drew Ostara. The Druid drew Cernunnos, the antler headed god.
Next, they meditated upon their deities and sought them out to ask knowledge of them. The Druid was confused about the shapeshifting ability that was supposedly achieved by his predecessors. Had they really been able to transform themselves into different types of creatures? Or was this phenomenon a secret to be revealed through the analytical deconstruction of mythology? This was the question that he posed to Cernunnos.
Cernunnos led him to the land of Canaan where he saw Joseph and his coat of many colours. He saw Joseph live as a beloved son, as a young man tending flocks, as a slave, as a prisoner, as warden, as adviser to the Pharaoh, as interpreter of dreams, as the top bureaucrat under the Pharaoh, as saviour of Egypt and as the man who restored his family’s honour. He explained that the colours of Jacob's tunic represented the different roles he played in his life. The coat was the manifestation of his father’s wisdom passed down from one generation to the next. The final colour to be added to the coat before Joseph was sold into slavery was that of blood – which to his father signified his death. His siblings had betrayed Joseph and in doing so educated him in the significance of death, while he was still alive. This allowed Joseph to achieve a transformation that ultimately led him to become one of the most powerful men in Egypt, maybe even the most powerful. Cernunnos explained to Simon that the shapeshifting ability of the Druids represented their ability to play different roles in society. Simon had previously felt that he could not be the Druid he was destined to be unless he managed to master the ability to shapeshift – which to him was a tall order – after his lesson from Cernunnos he realised he had already progressed a long way down this path. He could wear the clothes of an economist, a mathematician, a landscape gardener, a brother, a son, a teacher, a student, a fighter, a healer, an athlete, a Christian, a Buddhist, a Pagan, a Druid. That was his art of shape shifting. He could insert himself into almost any niche of society and shift his shape to fit. Like the Druids of old, when he was faced with a problem, he could not overcome he was able to partition a part of his consciousness and alter its shape such that it was appropriate for the task at hand. Yet again the Druid found that he had already learned the lesson.
Cernunnos and Simon then walked together for a time. Cernunnos would help the Druid develop another of his talents very soon.
Simon had known Amy for just over three years. She was the mother of one of the children at the library where he volunteered. Two and a half years ago she had been diagnosed with a terminal illness. She had been given six months to live. But Amy was indomitable. The sickness had to work very hard to lead her to the clearing at the end of the path.
When her body finally started to give in, she was admitted to the palliative care ward at the hospital. Her family maintained a round the clock bedside vigil. The cold wind of Samhain sprung up from the West. Cernunnos told Simon that her time was coming soon. Simon felt many conflicting emotions. He felt sadness and grief, at the passing of a woman who had become a good friend. But more than a friend she had shown him an example of what a mother should be. She had shown him how a mother treats her children with love and kindness. Many times, Simon had wished that he could have been born into her family, rather than his own. But that is a story for another timeline.
Simon felt a sense of relief too. He could see how hard Amy had been fighting for so long. He knew that when Thanatos took her it would bring about an end to her pain and suffering. As much as he did not want to lose his friend and role model, he did not like to see her suffer.
He felt nervous for her too. They had discussed the matter of mortality and Simon knew that Amy was faced with a great deal of uncertainty regarding her own. Most people do not know much of the mysteries of death. Although we are beset with its gruesome visage nearly every day of our lives, it represents an incomprehensible mystery. He wanted to be able to relieve some of Amy’s anxiety.
Simon knew he could help Amy by sharing the story of the time he had died. He had seen the afterlife and come back. He knew that he could share this knowledge with Amy and with other people who were faced with the journey to the infinite. But he also knew that to most people he would sound crazy talking about dying and coming back. He spent days wrestling with these conflicting feelings.
Each day the wind grew stronger and the voices of the spirits grew louder. The crescendo came and Cernunnos made his displeasure known. Simon was taking too long making up his mind and if he didn’t act soon the chance would be lost.
Cernunnos made it very clear to Simon what was at stake. He told Simon that he had been given a gift and that if he didn’t use it, he would be abandoned to walk alone. He would lose the favour of his powerful patrons and would lose his gifts. As if to push the point home Cernunnos showed him fields of bodies and nuclear explosions. Simon worried that if he wasn’t actually talking to a God that these visions must mean that he was quite mad.
‘You must go to see Amy today or it will be too late. Share your story. You are here for a reason. Fulfill your destiny or else Druid.’
Simon did as he was told. He shared his story with Amy as she lay on her deathbed. He did not elaborate upon the details of his death. He did not say that his mother had killed him. Or that he had been drowned. Or that his sin was his inability to read facial expressions or look people in the eye. Simon told her that he had touched infinity. He told her that there is in fact an ‘other side.’ He told her that the people she cared about who had passed ahead of her were waiting and that they had made a place ready for her. God was ready to receive her in his welcoming and loving embrace. Amy visibly relaxed. Her anxiety left her body and she seemed to sigh with relief. Simon was moved to tears. He knew that the end was very close for her and he grieved his friend. But he knew he had done the right thing.
He walked back to his car and as he did Cernunnos’ presence left him. In its place he was left a feeling of love and compassion for his own mother. He felt a huge weight shift from his soul. For most of the last five years he had been preoccupied with the fact of his death at his mother’s hands. He could not understand how a woman could do that to her son. He tore himself apart with questions. He thought that his mother must be pure evil and as a part of her, so too must he be.
As he had ruminated upon this trauma, he had found a way to forgive her on an intellectual level, and on an emotional level for what she had done, but the weight still hung around his heart. Now he was able to forgive her on a soul level. He had found a way to derive something pure and good from this most terrible of circumstances. When she accidentally killed her son, Maria had opened a conduit inside of him that gave him on call access to the divine. It had all but destroyed their relationship and had almost demolished Simon’s sanity, but now almost ten years to the day since his mother’s death Simon was able to see how this calamity fit into God’s plan. He saw that this horrible memory that had caused so many mental health issues for him and made him want to take his own life on countless occasions could be a gift to others.
Simon could look someone in the eyes and say with absolute certainty that there is somewhere that we go when we die.
Somehow the friction between Simon and his sister was smoothed in this moment too. The other traumatic memory he had been ruminating upon for a long time was of the time he planned to kill two men upon his sister’s say so. He had felt betrayed by her and used and deceived. He had become afraid of himself. Of his own capacity for malevolence. The two weeks that he lived in that cloud of darkness had irrevocably transformed him.
But as he walked back to his car, he felt that weight lift too. God showed him that he was wrong in the way he had treated his sister. God showed him that what his mother did and what happened to his sister were inextricably linked and that in a way he had bought both of those happenings upon himself. This was almost too much for Simon to bear. He felt sadness and regret for the way he had spoken to these two women who should have been the most important women in his life.
He did not receive all of the answers that day. But he knew he done his duty as it was expected of him and that the path would continue to reveal itself so long as he kept trying to walk in the light.
Amy died soon after Simon visited. She was delivered from her suffering into the embrace of the Lord. Simon’s journey had just begun. Now that he had unblocked his feelings of these two events that caused him so much worry and doubt he could truly begin to discover himself. He was able to unlock the secret memories of his past life and unravel his destiny.
To be continued...
