I started working at a small restaurant. Two days a week. On my very first day - it was a trial day - I was shown around, shaking hands of colleagues, putting names in my head. It was only five names that day.
I was given a red blouse which is the uniform of the waitresses. It fits surprisingly well. It’s mostly made from cotton and follows the lines of my body without being tight. I’ve worn way uglier and more uncomfortable uniforms.
The restaurant is owned by a married couple. They are of an average age. They appear to me - for now - as average people. I know well that’s only from far away. Nobody is average when you come close enough.
After a while of walking around with drinks, cleaning classes and polishing cutlery all falls silent. The void that separates lunch from dinner. No chore to do. Barely drinks to bring. I read the menu. It is as standard as a menu can be.
At those times I wonder. My mind goes to places and I go along with it. I can’t stop imagination. How would my colleagues react if all of a sudden I were to take off my clothes? Here, in the middle of the restaurant, in front of the bar. What would lady-boss say to me?
My brain has trouble imagining their reaction, and yet it has taken me there. Silently I think my disruptive thoughts. I’m standing on the outside of the bar. Boss-lady is on the other side. Polishing and cleaning and preparing the drinks that are ordered.
They keep a very clean and tidy business. Everything has its place and routine. All I have to do is fit in and learn the rules. I wonder what is in the mind of boss-lady. Or what would be my reaction if she decided to get rid of her clothes, as she was standing there behind the bar?
She would cross her arms before her body, bend slightly forward to grab the hem of her dress, to pull it up and over her head. Would she take the time to fold up her clothes? Or just drop them on the floor? Would she start by taking off her shiny shoes, or take them off last?
What would I do in such a scenario? It doesn’t feel like something that I wish or long to witness. Not at all. Or do I? Why would my brain take me there?
I cannot imagine my reaction. Most interesting would be if I responded to that by getting naked also.
It would be so inappropriate. So strange. It would never happen.
This imagination recurs every now and then. When I’m waiting in line at the supermarket. When I was attending neverending lectures at university. In the train.
It’s an fantasy that makes me grin. Probably my mind goes there looking for something stimulating. Maybe it just wants to make me smile. Or it could be a test to check how my imagination is working. Anyway it does it’s best to come up with all sorts of inappropriate behaviour that would disrupt the unspoken rules of public places.
I did not realize it before I put it into words: the unlikeliness of this happening is what fascinates me. Because in my fantasy me, or boss lady, or whoever gets naked - would be completely in their mind, instead of out. If it would happen, it would be a conscious act. But why would someone ever do that? Or why wouldn’t someone ever do that? Being naked is a very natural state to be in, after all.
Could it be because of a set of rules and nobody ever thinks about those rules anymore? We take them for granted. But my brain reminds me. Things could be different. It’s all kind of arbitrary, it tells me. What makes sense and what not is random.
Does that make sense?
