This entry sort of follows up on what I posted last week.
Compared with some friends of mine who are bravely fighting cancer, or trying to survive the breakup of their marriage, my life is pretty easy. I work at home most of the time, I have a loving family, a great network of friends, and a husband who thinks I’m smart and beautiful, and a son with whom I enjoy spending time.
And yet…
- I spent most of a week with a headache so bad that I couldn’t think straight. The fact that I accomplished any work at all is a miracle.
- I lost two days from work last week. Two days not working means two days without pay.
- About the time that things with my health started to improve, our refrigerator died. We had to buy a new one and it cost $1,500.00, not to mention the food that we lost.
None of that is a serious as it felt while it was happening. And, while all the bad stuff was happening, I also celebrated my 22nd Wedding Anniversary. My husband and I celebrated by going out to dinner with my best friend and her husband who celebrated their 11th anniversary the day we were married.
My husband’s gift (combined anniversary and birthday) was a new 6TB hard drive for my Playstation 4. My step-son was kind enough to make a special trip with his two kids to install it for me. (Yes, I could have done it if I had to but he does more hardware work than I do!)
So, why do I feel so alone?
Today is one of those days when I can’t think of anything to say that anyone else would want to read. What’s worse is that every bit of my existing writing that I read strikes me as stupid, artificial, and not very well written. (Yes, including this essay!)
There are times when I read stories I’ve already written and enjoy them as much as if the story had been written by one of my favorite authors. It feels as though someone else wrote it!
Today, however, I understand why I’m not a famous writer. Today I feel as though I write crap and will never be able to write anything but crap!
I feel as though I work in a vacuum.
- I write blog posts that few people read beyond the spammers who post comments just for the sake of linking to porn or worse. (That’s on my “other” blog, blog.irenesmith.com)
- My stories get rejected or ignored. (Yes, I’ve actually submitted some stories. One of them was to a place that said they respond in 0 to 7 days. That was 59 days ago!
- My book has sold perhaps 30 copies and maybe 100 copies were downloaded for free when I was part of the Kindle Select program.)
- I’ve tried to get reviews, but despite the fact that everybody promises, only four people have actually come through.
Maybe this is normal?
I have read many times that writing is a lonely profession. And it is surely true. One of the benefits of being a writer is that writing can be done anywhere. One of the drawbacks of writing is that writing can be done anywhere. In other words, because the very act of writing means that one locks oneself into a room and sits in front of the keyboard, by definition writing requires being alone and uninterrupted.
I get that.
But one of the reasons I started a blog was to be able to discuss the ideas I write about with other people. I often write posts that invite conversation but in response I get comments like, “Gee, what blog platform are you using?” or “Wow, I’ve been looking for just this information!”
Worse are the commenters who cut and paste a huge comment that contains nothing but replaceable bits and pieces that they don’t bother to replace. My guess is that these people don’t know what they are posting (in other words, don’t speak or read English well enough to comprehend the contents of the post) and think they are going to make tons of money posting these unedited comment templates.
By the way, do you suppose anybody really does make any money that way?
Sometimes it’s Overwhelming
I love stories. From the time I was a little girl, I enjoyed reading stories and I enjoyed telling stories. I can’t tell you a single genre that I enjoy; there are so many that I like. I read Fantasy, Science Fiction, Romance, Mainstream, Horror, Myster, and things that don’t actually fit into a single genre. In fact, the only stories I’m not overly fond of are those that involve sports. Then again, I do like The Replacements so I guess even Sports are not completely out of bounds.
One of the things I have always had a problem with doing is choosing a single genre to write in. It has held me back in that I have often read that you should pick a genre and stick to it. I just can't seem to pick!
Lately I’ve been so inundated with ideas that I can’t settle down and work on just one of them. I have created a folder on my computer for 2016 and there are 30 unfinished stories and partial novels in that folder.
What do you think?
When you read other people’s blogs, do you comment? And, if you do, do you comment because you really want to get involved in a conversation or because you want people to notice your comment and maybe visit your blog in return? I’d really like to know.
Oh, and I promise to find something more cheerful to write about. :)