Q: How do you terrify a Vorax?
A: Stick them on a ship with a bunch of humans and tell them they're going to have to babysit the toddlers!
This exchange program is going to require the poor Vorax getting a large amount of therapy afterward. -- Anon Guest
[AN: Children should never be seen as punishment. No matter what the circumstances]
There was a nervous peace between the Humans and the Vorax. The Alliance was letting the Humans spread their pack-bonding all over the other dangerous Deathworlders.
So far, as the jocular falling man might say, so good.
Whilst the Vorax did have a name for themselves, it was not yet part of the greater Galactic vocabulary. Thusly, Vorax Q'ghaash had to put up with Vorax as his honourific.
The Humans had an art to creating food with too many calories, which did a lot to curb the Voraxian's natural appetite. They no longer needed to take six food breaks a day. They could concentrate on things for far longer than they were used to.
Was it a miracle? Was it years of Humanity focusing on possibly the worst food combinations they could come up with? Was it the fact that the deadliest things for a Human were also the tastiest? Who could tell by now?
The point, at least to Q'ghaash, was that Turducken existed, and various humans through the ages had added pastry, cheese, and especially sugars to the dish. The high point of Q'ghaash's day was consuming boiled eggs wrapped in quail, stuffed inside a duck that had been crammed inside a turkey, and then covered in pastry and dribbled over with caramel and cranberry sauce.
Only Humans could come up with something like that.
Q'ghaash sent regular reports home containing Terran Recipes dating back to the Pre-Shattering era.
He was very happy, and therefore honoured to be trusted with the Human's young. He was also wise to such historical figures as Human Pib, and therefore also nervous.
"I am guarding these infants? They will not threaten me?"
"They're not going to hurt you on purpose. Pris has been known to throw a dolly or two and Nils gets loud, but if you put on Prancing Pony Parade, they're generally quiet." Human Ash leaned in to whisper, "Make sure you skip episode fourteen. They cry."
Noted and logged. "And there are no peanuts or peanut-related objects?"
"Yeah we scoured the ship before you got in. You're good. We will attempt to get all the supplies in over two hours. Fingers crossed."
"Fingers crossed," Q'ghaash did his best to imitate the Human luck gesture with Voraxian anatomy[1]. "Good hunting."
Then he was left alone with four Human Larvae. Pris, Nils, Zed, and Yin. The worrying part was that there were no warnings or alerts for the other two.
In an hour and a half, they would all showing signs of distress, including Q'ghaash. The appeasing entertainment had been working, but the Human Larvae had the controls and purposely instigated episode fourteen.
They cried. Pris threw their dolly. Nils was screaming. Zed and Yin were holding each other and bawling their tiny little eyes out. Q'ghaash, trying desperately to administer warm milk and fluffy blankets, was beginning to wail himself.
It didn't matter that there was a happier episode playing now. They were all still upset that Princess Fantasticia had fallen into the briars where the monsters were.
The Human parentals found him desperately singing the Human Emotions Song to grumpy an un-appeased toddlers. "The warm milk is not working," he pleaded. "The fluffy blankets are not working. The songs are not working. Help?"
"Episode fourteen?"
"Episode fourteen."
[1] There's a lot more tentacles that might be believable.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / nem4a]
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