They were used to having humans aboard ships over the years. One group or another would work with them to protect them whenever they were heading out to map the Edge. As usual, they had four humans with them. Two scientists, two guards. But one of the guards was different. Unlike all the humans the havenworlders had worked with in the past, this individual politely declined all of the sweet desserts that were offered in friendship and preferred fresh fruits and sliced vegetables to munch on. They weren't vegetarians, but apparently, they didn't really care for sweets. -- NoSweetsPlease
In the "Helpful Tips" section of the Human Interaction Manual, it said, When all other efforts at pack-bonding fail, offer food. Humans like sweet things and offerings of treats will win them over in no time. There were numerous appendices of recipes with easily-understood or obtainable ingredients and simple replacements. Though things like Snickers Salad and Cookie Salad had to be jokes that someone took too seriously[1].
Companion Zeng checked the database of Human jokes just to check. No, the most recent post was concerning the one about the roasted camel, and its parallel, the roasted elephant. Second to that was how to cook and serve an Australian parrot[2]. People actually ate the foods in the recipes section. Not that Zeng was going to try any time soon.
Simple offerings were the best. Something easily acquired and not with versions that could take up to a month for curing. Wow. Some Humans would eat anything. Bark, bugs, any number of poisons, the one bit of an extremely delicate fruit that had to be burned and treated before it could be handled safely... Some of them even ate clay[3]. Zeng, after making certain of the recommendations, went with simple sugary treats. Fudge, to be precise.
Human Tan warmed to the offerings instantly, but Human Jo remained resolute. "No, thanks. I understand you went to the effort, but... I don't really like sweets."
Companion Zeng went to the help files, under the section, Is My Human Defective? There was a subsection concerning a Human not liking sweets. Results were... unclear... Some preferred fresh fruit. Others preferred different treats. The list of potential easy offerings ranged from deep-fried porcine skin through sausage aged to the point where it grew mould to simple Deathworlder vegetables that were somehow hazardous to many Havenworlders.
"Easy" was obviously a relative concept. Humans were Deathworlders. They evolved to adapt to situations where food preparation involved finding a way to die less quickly after eating it. Zeng considered hirself lucky that there were versions available in the food printer's menu. Ze did not want to be handling some of those Deathworlder delicacies on a personal level.
The bit about preparing meat into tubes of intestines and then letting it age, relying entirely on herb combinations or smoke to preserve debatable edibility may have scarred hir for life. Zeng dialled up a 'charcuterie board' and hoped that this, at last, would appease Human Jo.
Presentation was key. This was one of the more ornate platters, and even contained some things that Zeng could eat. Shared meals were one of the many bonding activities.
Zeng knew ze had won by the look in Human Jo's eyes. Their entire face lit up and a little bit of joyous moisture gathered there. "Aaaaawww... you went fancy on me. Was I being too Dark and Mysterious again?"
Zeng was reminded once more that both sides of this exchange were experienced with both Ships' Humans and being Ships' Humans. "Perhaps. You have been... hard to approach."
"When in doubt, be the food guy," said Jo, as if quoting something. "Sorry. I don't always know how to people so I default to isolation. My bad." They shoved aside their rations for later recycling and moved a chair for Zeng to perch on. "I surrender. Let's eat together and talk of small things."
Humans. They remained a puzzle that would never be solved.
[1] I know what these are and I am HORRIFIED that they get away with calling them 'salads'.
[2] Boil together the parrot and an axe head. When the axe head has boiled soft, throw away the parrot and eat the axe head.
[3] The clay in question is extremely rich in calcium, which is otherwise lacking in local foods. Humanity is great at adapting.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / bhofack2]
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