https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aimo_Koivunen
Sometimes, Humans do stupid Things. Most of the time, they work out well. However, only seldomly someone takes 30 Tabs of Pervitin (Meth) has an "Adventure" like this and lives to tell the Tale. -- Mike666
[AN: Link contains references to drug use and some side effects that should have honestly killed the dude. Also the GIF version of this story going around Tumblr is hilarious]
Humans hold some very interesting records. They also make some life-or-death decisions on the spur of the moment that could have resulted in death either way. Humans are also known for making some very interesting drugs. Some even have medicinal uses.
One thing Humans keep needing to remember - do not leave the entire squad's supply with one soldier. Also, teeny tiny bottles are not recommended in combination with combat-rated armoured gloves.
Human Steev certainly wished someone had remembered that one. Especially afterwards. The bad news was that he was separated from his squad, well behind enemy lines, and playing cat-and-mouse on Team Mouse. Never a good way to be. The good news, if one could call it that, was that Steev had the entire squad's supply of Stims. One per customer. Emergencies only. Rav took one on a bet during training and was unable to sleep for four days. They eventually passed out after claiming they could see the true meaning of the universe, and didn't remember that bit when they recovered forty-eight hours later.
The worst news was that Rav was a fellow Human in peak physical condition when they did that. Steev, on the other hand, was fighting exhaustion, stretching his ration packs, and supplementing them with anything that seemed edible enough at the time. Steev had to be lucky to escape every single time. The enemy just had to be lucky to find him once.
If anything counted as an emergency, this was it.
The cap of the teeny tiny bottle tore off thanks to the servos in his gloves. Flakk it, Steev thought. The pills had to be kept dry or swallowed immediately, and everyone knew it. Here goes nothing...
Which was possibly Steev's last rational thought before the Mediks were finally able to do their job.
Hour One:
Steev was brimming with energy and snagging moderately-edible fare to chew on as he jogged between patrols. His anger at the enemy was rising. Why did these shits have to be everywhere? He just wanted to go home. Why couldn't they let him go home?
Hour Two:
Steev didn't remember what made him snap, but he had a big rock and the other guy had a nice gun and was stupid enough to be alone. He also lost count of how many times the bludgeon hit its mark, but there wasn't much of a head left by the time he was done. He stole the weapons and the rations and some of the tech and moved on.
The tech showed the location of where they hid the captives. And the weapons.
Steev remembered thinking, Enough playing around, let's fight!
Hour... ???
It was honestly all a blur. There were little moments, like big explosions and cheering. People screaming. Fire. Pushing an entire heavy tank out of his way and succeeding. Punching the shit out of one enemy soldier and three other guys dragging him off. The empty bottle, warped from his crushing grip, now held loose in his hands. Pulling something along the ground. Something important. Snatching a bird out of the air and cramming it into his mouth.
They were all disconnected from each other. He couldn't see the meaning of the universe, like Rav did, but he did remember seeing the foothold base, and growling like an animal at the first person to ask, "Who goes there?"
There were swarms of people. His people. He struggled against anyone who held him, even when they said it was medicine.
And then the tranqs kicked in.
They told him later that he had been out there for two weeks. Two weeks of him and his entire squad being MIA. Some had trickled in during that fortnight, but the rest... the rest had been captured. They were held prisoner with other remnants of other squads until Steev came out of nowhere, tripping balls, and proceeded to wreck everything they had.
He was not in the best shape, coming back up out of that.
Under the Stims, he could feel no pain. Out of the Stims, it was all he could feel. It was a constant, dull ache even under the best painkillers the medical sector had to offer short of an induced coma. The Brass, after all, needed to debrief him.
Four-star General Nova glared down at him, her face somewhere between Pissed Off and Puzzled. "What," she eventually said, "the flakk."
"Desperate times, chief," said Steev. "Desperate times."
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / erierika]
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