Humans are insane. Definitely. Undeniably. Humans are insane by the standards of the greater galactic community. That did not prepare anyone for the sight of one of the passengers, at most five from the look of them, possibly younger from the sound of them, seizing a mug meant to hold hot liquids, approaching their nearest parent, and saying:
"Hey! Where my coffee?"
That the desired liquid turned out to be hot cocoa that the child was only pretending was coffee did little to ease the crew's distress at the thought of the chaos that could be created by a very young human energized by caffeine. -- Anon Guest
Humans are very strange. Some would definitely classify the entire species as insane. They are remarkably safe despite being Deathworlders and it is their very insanity that might be responsible for making them so. Science is still attempting to determine the truth. Individual Humans can have understandable logic, but once they gather in groups, once they band together in packs or families... all bets are off.
Case in point, mid-journey for the Planetary Surveyor Archis XVII, where a family of Humans are all simultaneously Ships' Human. Even the young, which is currently still in the educational phase of maturation. The time is breakfast, and one of the communal nest of Humans is busy with meal preparation whilst the youngest, Human Jil, is allegedly consuming their nutrition.
Humans have been known to be possessive about peculiar things. They can, have, and will pack-bond with anything. This has been noted in drinking vessels also carrying emotional weight. A Human will go out of their way to ensure that they drink out of their drinking vessel and none other, despite the vessels being nearly indistinguishable from each other. In the case of Human Jil, the vessel was a very large insulated mug with the words, Mind the Undertow in an amusing font[1]. This was the vessel she grabbed and inspected, finding it wanting.
Human Jil abandoned her nutrition and took the empty vessel to Human Wal, who was cooking several things for the rest of the Human Nest. The child, age four and a half, presented the empty vessel to Human Wal and demanded, "Where's my coffee?"
The surrounding Vethaidi almost had a conniption. Not much was known about Human welfare at the time, but a great many Humans were adamant that Human young should never - ever - be allowed caffeine.
"Aw shoot," said Human Wal, apparently unconcerned, "I'll forget my own head, next." At which point, they added another small cooking vessel to the array of meals in progress and began preparing... not coffee. The coffee ritual was entirely different to this.
Lactic solution, a brown theobromine substance derived from the cocoa plant, a sprig of mint, some sweetener, and extra cream were stirred together over a low heat until they formed a mostly-homogenised whole. The result was then strained into the large mug and marshmallows added with a flourish.
"To perfection, madame?"
"To perfection," Human Jil nodded. "That will be all, thank-you." She carried the mug back to her spot and resumed absorbing her morning nutrition.
Companion Flix was the first to comment. "That was not caffeine..."
"Of course not," said Human Wal. "We might be bonkers, but we're not that crazy. Naw. We all drink coffee and Jil wants to fit in, but she's not allowed, so... this is the compromise. She gets a hot chocolate and we all call it coffee. It works."
A slumber-rumpled Human Tor stumbled into the room, collecting a coffee and a plate of their nutrition from Human Wal without missing a beat. "If it's crazy and it works, it ain't that crazy..." they mumbled, possibly on automatic. They inhaled the aromas of their burden and sighed, "Thank the Powers one of us is an annoying morning person."
"Oh shut up, you love it," chorussed Humans Wal and Jil.
Humans.
[1] Humans consider it vastly amusing to believe that large enough drinking vessels are capable of having their own tidal forces.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / Lenor]
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