Ultimate Cure For Everything!

I'm still a bit weary. And can't sleep because of all this coughing. I've been medicating myself with these miracle pills. And successfully, I should say, because I'm not dead yet. --> https://steemit.com/alive/@insaneworks/i-m-still-alive-1

Although this might look like a Still-Alive post, it's not. This is an incoherent and disorderly post of a confused person who hasn't had enough sleep. So nothing out of the ordinary then!

One of my cats, Julius,^{only in Finnish} has a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Problems. Conditions due to old age. Urinary problems, probable wheat allergy and hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid). Because of the thyroid issue, I have to give one small pill to him two times a day. Although he is kind and gentle, he has bitten me couple of times in the vet 'cause he hates blood tests. And he has no knowledge of his biting power when playing. If he bites, he bites hard, no warning nibbling with front teeth. Just brute force immediately.

But he's kind and although simple, he has somehow figured out that the pill is good for him. So he lets me stick my fingers to his throat. Every morning, every evening. He sits there and waits, turns so that it's easier for me do it certain way because I'm right handed and I swear, he almost opens his mouth. What a cat, what a wonder pill!

It's become so easy (no bleeding) and so routine, that I sometimes almost immediately after giving the pill forget if I gave it at all. Or sometimes, when I think about giving the pill shortly, I get confused if I already did give the pill. So I've developed bunch of (strange) things that I do when giving the pill, so that I have multiple ways to remember if I gave the pill or not. Not just the routine of giving the pill.

I rattle the pill bottle certain way, of course differently every time, so I remember hearing I gave the pill to Julius. Create special effect sounds when popping the cap open or let Julius chase me around the kitchen for a while as I pretend to give him the pill with food in my other hand. Or I talk to him in different kind of voices. A little child: "Take this itchy bitsy pill, it will make your boo-boo better." Devils voice: "Just take this pink pill and your soul is mine, MINE FOREVER! Muahahahaa!" (I can't do that too often, my throat doesn't handle that voice well.) And I've even considered singing my actions. Like Samuel L. Jackson did in the movie The Long Kiss Goodnight. Melody from I'm Your Hoochie Cooche Man by Muddy Waters, lyrics: ME!

My right hand takes the bottle
da-da-da-da-da!
Left hand opens it
da-da-da-da-da!
I take one pill to my hand
da-da-da-da-da!
Put the bottle to the table
da-da-da-da-da!
I kneel down to Julius
da-da-da-da-da!
Put my left hand over his head
da-da-da-da-da!
Open his mouth with my right
da-da-da-da-da!
And stick the pill in his mouth
da-da-da-da-da!
Julius didn't like it this time
da-da-da-da-da!
Srathes my eyes until I'm blind
da-da-da-da-da!
I can't see
da-da-da-da-da!
No, no I can't see
da-da-da-da-da!
He's a bad motherfucker
da-da-da-da-da!
He surely is
da-da-da-da-da!
I stumble to the table
da-da-da-da-da!
Knock down the pill bottle
da-da-da-da-da!
Down from the table
da-da-da-da-da!
To the floor
da-da-da-da-da!
The pills are so smooth
da-da-da-da-da!
I slip and fall
da-da-da-da-da!
Hit my head
da-da-da-da-da!
Blood pouring out
da-da-da-da-da!
I see red
da-da-da-da-da!
I think I will now die

...

Well, that took a weird turn. Even I didn't know this was going to happen until just couple of seconds before I wrote it. But this is a good time to end this post as any, so; where ever you are, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite and trust in pill almighty we shall!

_{(Look, I used a semicolon and I have no idea if it really fits there or not. If it sits, it fits, I say!)}