Hi, guys!
Today I still risked to finally see what kind of assignment I was given in the next group of lectures and my heart relieved - everything is much easier than I expected, although it is still very, very hard for me to work. I got out of my manic phase and went into a mixed episode. That is, now I experience the symptoms of mania and depression at the same time, they, as if in a leapfrog, replace each other, and sometimes they appear simultaneously, significantly complicating my life.
As I said, I don't have the opportunity to see my doctor before July 6, and this is certainly not very good. Firstly, I take prescription drugs, and my prescription has expired for several months, I need a new one, and since this is a type of registration prescriptions, only a doctor can give it to me from hand to hand, that is, it will not even work to send it. My doctor is very good. and she has a lot of patients, so I have to wait. This greatly affects my condition, because I really need a correction of therapy, and now I cannot get it.
Yesterday I looked at the calendar for about ten minutes, trying to figure out what date it was. I was sure it was twentieth, but the good is twenty-seventh. Time flies so fast, it's just a nightmare, I can't keep up with it. Today it is 4:25 pm, and I still have a lot of things to do, but I don't have the strength to do them. I know that a depressive phase will come next, in which it will be even harder for me, so now I still need to try to concentrate and still make at least some reserve of productive activity, so that later I have something to rely on.
I've often noticed that when it comes to bipolar disorder, people don't really understand how it works. Most people think that these are just some kind of slight mood swings - well, this is how they happen to most people. Of course it is not.
In bipolar disorder, mood swings range from pure euphoria to the deepest bottom. That is why patients usually have a high risk of suicide, higher than those with classic depression. If people fall into depression gradually, to some extent, having time to adapt (often), then at the bar, the brain abruptly cuts off the flow of neurotransmitters and the person falls sharply from the state "I am on a veggie in Las Vegas" to the state "I got on a plane on which flying to a funeral for everyone I've ever known. " And this transition is so abrupt that it happens overnight, most often sleepless.
When I recently had a strong mania, I was very worried that this was exactly what would happen to me. If the mania is not extinguished, then depression will surely come after. When is a matter of time, but it is necessary. The brighter the mania was, the deeper the depression will be. So it's just a matter of time before it hits me. I'm waiting, trying to prepare.
I have been living with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder since adolescence, and have already managed to some extent to learn how to track my pitching and anticipate them, although now I really did not expect to be in a mixed episode, and somewhat confused.
See you in the next post!
Love, Inber
