If you ask successful people what they did to reach the spot they are in, most of them would definitely say that consistency is the key. You need to keep on moving no matter how big or small your progress is. It doesn’t matter even if you’re only adding a drop to the capacity of your skills. As long as you’re doing something about it, you’ll progress. However, that’s not the case for me. I am very inconsistent about most of the things that matter. I’m inconsistent with my performance in my new job, I’m inconsistent with learning how to play musical instruments, I’m inconsistent with reading the books I bought, heck I’m even inconsistent with the blog I’m supposed to take care of because not only do I earn from it, I’m also enhancing the writing skills I have that could help me in the future. But, what am I doing? Lazing off, and letting myself be swallowed by what-ifs.
When I was young, my mom noticed this behavior of mine. She always calls me and tells me not to be a “Ningas Kugon”. She knows this because she is my number one supporter, and as a supporter and a mother, she calls me out and reminds me to be responsible and be consistent, or at least finish what I started. “Ningas Kugon” or in English, Burning Cogon grass, is a Filipino idiomatic expression that means short-lived a passion. A person who usually starts tasks and never finishes it can be considered a person who has this trait. This is common with Filipinos.
Unfortunately, I have this trait. Proof of that would be this. This entire attempt in blogging. When Kim, my friend, introduced this community to me I was so full of excitement and a LOT of ideas. The mere thought of me, earning through this platform sparked inspiration and made the cogs of my mind turn. I was so sure that I will be able to survive and be consistent. Alas, after I posted my last content in April, I didn’t try to create new blogs. I mean I tried but I failed because of my stupidity. The draft for a blog I was making got erased, and that demotivated me.
Honestly, I tried to look for self-help options so that I can remove this trait but I think it is already deeply rooted in my system because I am not even consistent in doing the routines recommended by the answers I have gathered on how to be consistent on things. Heck, even this blog took me 2 weeks to finish because of my inconsistency (I’m having a hard time finishing this, to be honest). I just don’t know what happened to me.
I remember, second grade. I gave my all to my school. I skipped classes so that I can represent them and bring honor to their name. I was able to be an overachiever and gave them medals that I got from the quiz bees, and spelling bees I have won for them. After the contests, I make sure that I am following up with my homework and the activities I missed because of being exempted from the class. When it came to recognition day, I only received mediocre grades and I ended up being in 5th place among our room’s top-notch students.
One of the reasons I received why I’m not the “Top 1” is because I was always absent from the class, and when I’m in the class, I am considered the most annoying pupil, and I was discriminated against by my teacher because of it. Another reason I received was that they gave the title of being the 1st place in the room ranking to my classmate who is the goddaughter of the school’s principal, and she is also the teacher’s favorite for her kind and graceful demeanor. Now, I understand that in the real world these things are so trivial and they don’t even matter, but for me, as a kid, this whole sabotage really dampened my passion to do things consistently. At this age, I think of this as a cruel thing to happen to me after all my efforts to bring honor to the school’s name. Gladly I transferred to another school that didn’t expect much from me. I didn’t shine as much after the second-grade incident.
I think my inconsistency stemmed from this experience and now I am afraid that if I try again and be consistent, I will be disappointed by the results. This is not the only incident where my efforts where I was consistent got taken for granted. I have tried and tried to do things I love but I ended up being unappreciated for it. I really don’t know why I ask for other people’s validations. In fact, when I first started this blog, I sent a part of this to my boyfriend. He, being supportive told me to give myself credit for trying. He told me that he’s proud of me because I’m doing something and I’m trying to find my passion, and I am not being stagnant. These compliments actually made my day better, that’s why for a while I was not able to finish this. My mom also tries to motivate me a lot. She keeps on telling me how proud she is of me for trying things, for taking risks.
I am now writing again, trying to finish this in an attempt to be consistent. I want to start writing again not only because I will earn from this (let’s face the music and stop being hypocrites we’re here to earn), but blogging will certainly help me with my writing skills, and who knows where this will take me to.
